Well, it's the end of the Fall semester, and this is the last issue of the year. Although it's Wednesday, we can't end the year without giving you our last well-we-sure-have-had-fun-pissing-you-off-this-semester edition of ...
Darts and Laurels
To start off this final edition of the semester, we will give you two fresh items worthy of attention.
Then, we will revisit some other big events this semester.
To start off, we're going to pelt a better-not-pack-your-toy-lightsabers-the-next-time-you-fly DART to the TSA for detaining a Florida teen because her purse had an image of a pistol on it.
Good call, TSA. Wouldn't want her to hijack the plane with her purse.
Next, for showing a tremendous level of creativity, we give an enjoy-your-free-"physical"-exams-in-prison LAUREL to Phillip Winikoff. Winikoff was recently sentenced to 13 months in jail for posing as a doctor and going door to door giving free "breast exams." Who in their right mind would agree to this?
Now, it's time to look at some highlights from this semester.
First, we toss a trying-to-protect-us-by-controlling-us DART to all of the busybodies this year who have tried to get us to "behave" by regulating, taxing and, if that doesn't work, banning everything we do. This semester, we have talked about bureaucrats and officials accusing children of "sexual harassment," taxing Christmas trees to promote Christmas trees, overcrowding prisons with non-violent drug offenders, banning empty water bottles from football games, enforcing laws against nonmarried couples living together and banning kayaks at Poe Springs.
After a year of controversy, we give a thanks-for-finally-allowing-people-to-help-each-other LAUREL to the Gainesville City Commission for ending the limit on meals that can be given to the homeless at soup kitchens in the city. These sorts of ordinances do way more harm than good, and the city made the right decision.
Of course, we cannot end the semester without giving a way-to-screw-up-in-every-possible-way-imaginable DART to the UF Student Government. You screwed up the elections, pretended like nothing went wrong and, when the facts were presented to you, held no one accountable for your mistakes. Good job.
For our final award of the semester, we give a thank-you-for-giving-us-a-purpose LAUREL to the Alligator readers. Without our readers, there would be no point in doing what we do every week.
We also want to thank all of our readers for interacting with the Alligator on the website and through letters to the editor. We have enjoyed the discussion.
Have a fun and safe break, and be sure to check back next semester!
