We here at the alligatorSports Brand Picks Column like to run a clean program. We don’t get caught up in any off-the-field exploitations, recruiting violations or even legal trouble (for the most part).
So when all hell broke loose in the college athletics realm this week, we were taken aback.
Penn State’s issues? What else is there to say that hasn’t already been said? We are so morally outraged by what has happened in Happy Valley that we won’t touch it with a 10-foot pole. We’re just happy the board of trustees came to its senses late Wednesday night.
So much attention has been put on the Nittany Lions this week that other schools with lesser problems have been airing their dirty laundry at an opportune time.
UCF’s athletic director and wide receivers coach resigned amid recruiting allegations while basketball coach Donnie Jones was suspended because he “failed to maintain a culture of compliance.” We think it’s cute that UCF is trying to be like the other big schools in the state of Florida, but it needs to step its game up when it comes to NCAA violations.
Oregon released documents related to the Willie Lyles scandal on the same day in hopes that it wouldn’t garner too much attention.
Now that’s smart business.
With so many negative things going on, we let two columnists who have nothing to hide debate one of this weekend’s marquee matchups.
Stanford (-3.5) will continue to show why it is the class of the NCAA because…
Let’s be real here: Stanford can do no wrong. The Cardinal is clean as a whistle and touts one of the premier athletic programs in the nation, trailing only UCLA all time for national championships — and that’s without any titles in football.
Well, the Cardinal are looking to add that first NCAA football title, and it won’t let Oregon sully its chances. Andrew Luck is going to keep hope alive, because when Stanford raises that crystal ball in January, it’s one title that has no chance of being stripped in the future.
— TOM GREEN
Oregon (+3.5) will violate Stanford like an NCAA rule because …
If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying. And nobody looks better cheating than the Ducks. If the Oregon football team decided to rob a bank, they would do so wrapped in camouflage Dry Fit, yellow-and-green customized Jordans and a special ski mask designed to look like Daffy Duck.
Expect LaMichael James, Darren Thomas and Co. to bring their mischievous-yet-super-swagged-out attitude to Stanford on Saturday night. The Ducks will execute a caper, sneaking out with the Cardinal’s national championship aspirations.
— TYLER JETT
Now, on to the picks!
In first place with a 49-30 record is The Associated Press’ Mark “We’ll always have Twitter” Long, whose longtime press row buddy has been tragically taken from him by the dark evil of the Worldwide Leader. Cue Eric Carmen’s “All by Myself.”
In second with a 44-35 record is alligatorSprots writer Greg “Mediocre for Matt!” Luca, who is the only known member of the Miami Dolphins fan base not devastated by the Fins’ lack of ability to follow through on the “Suck for Luck” mantra. Enjoy watching absolutely nothing change, Cool Hand.
Alone in third with a 42-37 record is alligatorSports assistant editor Matt “I like your spandex” Watts, whose affinity for UF volleyball player Kristy Jaeckel has blossomed throughout the season to an all-time high as of late. Guess who’s not allowed within 100 yards of the next volleyball game?
Leading a logjam at fourth with a 40-39 record is ESPN’s Mike “You kids and your technology” DiRocco, who, for the life of him, couldn’t figure out how to access his voicemail on his brand new iPhone. The part that really threw Mike off was the lack of a rotary dial and a cord on the phone.
Tied with Mike is alligatorSports writer Tyler “Full of Pride” Jett, who was so inspired by the latest season of “The Real World” that he made a bold and relieving life statement on his Facebook page Tuesday night. Somebody’s a little late to the parade.
Also in fourth is FightinGators.com’s Cody “Salute Your Shorts” Jones, who was singing the theme song to the 1990s Nickelodeon hit show last week. Cody will always hold Camp Anawanna in his heart, because when he thinks about it, it makes him want to fart.
Holding steady in seventh with a 39-40 record is InsideTheGators.com’s Kyle “Those whores are freezing” Maistri, who not only cares about the 99 percent, but is also worried about the rights of the 1 percent (of scantily clad cheerleaders/dancers who were in attendance for the Alabama-LSU game last weekend.)
And in dead-ass last place with a piss poor 36-43 record is alligatorSports editor Tom “Tell me more, Mr. Patchan” Green, who was so enthralled by getting to stare at Florida’s right tackle for five minutes on Wednesday that he felt the need to text the masses about the experience. You know Tom, always bullet-free and full of man crushes.
