It’s that time of year again.
We’re almost at the third Saturday in September, and that means a few things: We’re into the heart of the fall semester, the heat is almost bearable enough that we can walk across campus without a change of clothes, and Southeastern Conference football is finally upon us.
LSU and Mississippi State got the party started Thursday night, and Florida’s annual clash with Tennessee is Saturday, but we’re taking things in a different direction.
Some say SEC football is a religion. With that in mind, we debate a true Holy War: Utah at BYU.
Utah (+5) will assert their dominance among the Mormon faithful because…
Utah left the Mountain West for the greener pastures of the newly formed Pac-12, but the Holy War rages on nonetheless.
The U of U may not be named after the great Brigham Young, but it’s still the best school in the state he founded.
So what if the Utes don’t have quite the Mormon concentration of BYU? They were there first, damnit, and they’ve won six of the last nine in the series to boot.
Plus, I’ve got a bit of a personal stake in this one, since I said Utah was one of the teams that deserved to be ranked ahead of Florida in the “abomination” of a rally that led a certain online message board to dub me “The Worst Writer in alligatorSports History.”
Don’t let me down, Utes!
— GREG LUCA
BYU (-5) will hold it down for their namesake because…
The Stormin’ Mormons are out for revenge. When Utah bolted for the Pac-12, BYU was left high and dry as an independent.
This marks the first time in 113 years the two schools play each other while not in the same conference.
But BYU isn’t going to sulk about it.
Instead, the Cougars will just think: What Would Jimmer Do? Then, they will proceed to stun the Utes with an unlikely bombardment of long plays.
This is a team that took Texas to the limit last Saturday, and that’s saying something, even if Mack Brown lost one of his finest to the same vices that cost Brandon Davies his chance at March Madness glory.
— TOM GREEN
Now, onto the picks!
In first with a 9-6 record is alligatorSports editor Tom “You mean I get to talk to girls?” Green, whose eyes lit up like the Fourth of July when telling colleagues about a story he’s supposedly putting together. Let’s hope those fine young ladies in the Lingerie Football League have a good lawyer — restraining orders are a complicated deal these days.
Tied with Tom at 9-6 is alligatorSports staff writer Tyler “I need to start a business buying beer for high school kids” Jett, whose next career move is illegal and creepy, yet at the same time rewarding. You need to purchase a pickup truck, invest in jeans with unintentional holes in the knees and start wearing trucker hats backwards, but one day soon you will help a nervous 16-year-old get laid, Tyler. Next step, yourself.
Sharing the top spot at 9-6 is FightinGators.com’s Cody “The ‘combed down’ hairstyle isn’t as easy as it looks” Jones, who apparently drives about 100 miles from Gainesville to Daytona to meet with his preferred hairstylist. Cody also flies to New York twice a month to buy striped polos from American Eagle.
Also in first at 9-6 is alligatorSports assistant editor Matt “My age is a science, not an art” Watts, who took offense both to suggestions that he looked older than 26, and to suggestions that he looked younger during a recent poker game. We’re sorry, old man. You look exactly 9,157 days old.
In fifth place with an 8-7 record, we have the Associated Press’ Mark “The bottom of my order is better than your cleanup hitter” Long, who spent Tuesday evening boasting about the all-star cast of writers who worked for him when he ran alligatorSports — back when JFK was still in office.
Also in fifth at 8-7 is alligatorSports staff writer Greg “Swine Flu ruined my life” Luca, who upgraded his date for the Bunnell High School Prom at the last minute because his original lady fell victim to the en vogue infection of 2009. We’ve seen the Facebook pics from that night, and all we can say is, ‘Whatup, Erin MacDaniel!”
Also featured in the fifth-place deadlock at 8-7 is InsidetheGators.com’s Kyle “Has anybody seen my tinfoil hat?” Maistri, whose anti-government ramblings on 9/11 received about as much positive feedback as Ron Paul’s recent debate appearances. Don’t worry, Kyle, we aren’t coming for your civil liberties any time soon.
And in dead-ass last place with a piss-poor record of 7-8 is Mike “I’ve given 10 good years to this beat” DiRocco, who has decided to no longer attend Tuesday press conferences in order to spend quality time with the family. It’s either that, or he realized we were on to his affinity for Charlie Weis.
