Welcome back, Gators. We hope you have enjoyed our coverage of the first week of classes. For those of you who are new to UF or new to reading the Alligator, we have a special tradition for our Friday editorial.
Basically, the editorial staff, with help from the rest of our Alligator team, goes through the events of the week — drawing on personal experiences, national news or random nonsense we think about — and hand out our very own awards.
So enough introduction. It’s time for our welcome-back-to-school-or-maybe-it’s-your-first-week-here-so-we-welcome-you-but-not-as-much-so-don’t-feel-bad-but-maybe-next-time-you’ll-feel-special edition of...
Darts and Laurels
This week, a man of great importance to many of your daily lives has stepped down from his prominent position. No, we aren’t talking about Obama, so don’t freak out Obamamaniacs.
For our first recipient, we are giving a thank-you-for-making-innovative-and-reliable-shit LAUREL to Steve Jobs.
But with every show of praise comes a necessarily nasty call-out.
That’s why we’re throwing an are-you-really-that-lazy-that-you-have-to-ticket-bicyclists DART to University Police.
It’s quite shocking to discover that campus police were wasting valuable resources stopping those evil bicyclists for speeding — how can they tell?
If anything, the police should be monitoring the nonsense that goes on around campus. Specifically, we are talking about the target of our what-kind-of-moron-mugs-a-worker-from-a-nonprofit-newspaper DART. That’s right, a masked robber held an Alligator staff member at gunpoint Thursday morning. You might be able to find more loose change in a sofa than in our pockets.
If you haven’t heard, Tripoli is a pretty rough place these days. That’s why we are awarding a damn-that-was-a-brave-thing-to-do LAUREL to CNN producer Jomana Karadsheh. This bad-ass journalist stood up to a troubled Libyan gunman who was holding three dozen journalists hostage. Through calm appeals to humanity in this troubled man’s decisions, she was able to persuade him to let her and her colleagues go.
Our final winner has been given two awards.
First, we throw a dangit-classes-aren’t-canceled-for-hurricane-parties DART to Hurricane Irene. What the hell, Irene? Just when we’re all excited about getting out of classes Friday, celebrating a three-day weekend and, hell, going to the beach, you had to go and ruin all of our plans.
But we are also awarding a thanks-for-not-wiping-Florida-off-the-map LAUREL to Hurricane Irene. ‘Atta girl.
Check in next week, Gators, for more opinions and editorials.
