I'm a senior who is graduating this August, and I'm not hatin', but I've had four fantastic years of Gainesville college debauchery and can offer a few recommendations to keep the town prospering in all social aspects. I've noted some laws that want to curb the incurable, some changes that try to break the unbreakable and some traditions that need to be awoken from their sober deaths.
My first complaint: Why the heck is UF's campus entirely Pepsi products? I hate Pepsi, my roommate hates it, my neighbor hates it, my T.A. hates it, my slampiece hates it, the Preview kids over there hate it, and I think Albert and Alberta hate it. I don't care what financial obligations UF has and what contracts were signed, I just want to be able to get something better than a cup of brown piss to mix with the booze I snuck into the Swamp on gameday.
Also, what happened to the uncontainable rowdiness that existed on the old UF gamedays? Things like anti-campus beer pong laws and North Korea-like ways of controlling the student section are really harshing on my football mellow. Stop arresting innocent near-alcoholics when it's the most religious day of the week in the fall!
Further, I absolutely loathe the ticket system, seating delegations and especially that gremlin behind me who constantly asks me to "sit down." Seating should be first come, first served, like it is at other SEC schools. The intoxicated sorority girls can arrive late first quarter, face away from the field to take their hand-on-hip posed pictures and then can go on their way. Meanwhile, the genuine sports fanatics will take the good seats to see what Coach Boom has to offer.
I hope I have left you with some things to think about. Just remember: Work hard, and play harder. See you at happy hour.
