When did you become a Gatordouche?
Was it when you made your first pair of "cutoff camo shorts"?
Or was when you got drunk on "grain punch," passed out in the grass somewhere and woke up in a "strange dorm room" with your face decorated like it was the Sistine Chapel and "Cocks" and "Balls" were the best a drunk Michelangelo could do?
How about when you waxed your chest or pierced an eyebrow?
Once again, UF made its way to another top ten list.
The list isn't for being stylish or playing football. Instead, UF made the ranks in the August issue of GQ as the No. 10 douchiest school in America.
According to the GQ article, featuring the book "America's Douchiest Colleges" by H.L. Rogers and Peter Littleton, these are the moments a Gator becomes a douche. But UF students say their peers have fine-tuned the becoming-a-douchebag process to three easy steps.
Step 1: Suit up from the ground up. Boat shoes are a must, even though you're nowhere near water; shorts that show your nicely trimmed legs, even though you're not a swimmer; a leather belt, not the belt that came with the shorts you bought, that one's too cheap; and a tucked-in polo shirt that has sleeves. Or leave the sleeves at the door so the "slampieces" can "jock your guns"; oh, and hater blockers, but don't forget the neon-colored sunglasses straps, even though the glasses won't be coming off.
Step 2: Post up at the Swamp on a Monday night, or before any Gator game, and talk trash to everyone, and never forget, "Tebow is a GOD!"
Step 3: Think you're better than everyone; it's what Cornell University does, and they're No. 1.
If you follow any of these steps, you're well on the way to "douchebaggery," said UF freshmen Aristotle Hren-Boulis and Rodrigo Sarmento.
But when you're a douche, it takes hard work to maintain your status, said UF engineering student Matt Jonas, 20.
"Act like an ass," he said.
Go to away games, run your mouth to the home crowd and don't have anything to back it up with. The sign of a douche is talk and no action, he said.
Rutgers University graduate Jason Wacks, 22, said it's important to get a lot of attention if you want to be a douche, which UF is good at.
Tim Tebow, he said, is a good person to emulate.
"Crying on national TV was a classic douchebag moment," he said.
UF student Kirsten Segerstrom, 21, said it's important not to forget about the academic side of douchi-ness. You can't just think you're better at sports; you have to think you're smarter than everyone else, too, she said.
"Bernie Machen is getting us there," she said.
The competition, she said, is soft and spongy, and UF has a shot at the title in the future.
Some of the other top ten schools of douchi-tude include Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Stanford University and Yale University.
"It looks like we're keeping pretty good company," UF spokesman Steve Orlando said.
Editor's Note: Here's the link to the original GQ article.
