I hate "Jersey Shore."
I just don't get it. I don't see the appeal. I have tried talking to people on a consistent basis to try to discover the appeal. I have even sat down and tried to watch it.
But it is as if people see something different on the screen. I see a bunch of blubbering, pompous, arrogant assclowns who care only about themselves. They are the textbook example of why Roe v. Wade is still on the books.
But they also may be geniuses. They get to act like fools every day and can do whatever they want as long as it's entertaining. They essentially get paid to defy Darwinism.
I don't blame "The Situation." He can act like a manwhore and get paid a ridiculous amount of money for it.
So are the members of "Jersey Shore" the real problem?
I don't think so. The problem resides in the people who garner entertainment from stupid, lewd and vicious behavior.
Well, that's not quite right. I watch "Family Guy," "South Park" and a whole slew of crude entertainment. I love fart jokes and forms of scatological humor.
I tried to watch it! I swear! I've stayed up with my girlfriend getting caught up with Italian debauchery. It's even on Netflix now!
But even after full immersion, I still get frustrated.
Maybe people can watch the show and realize their lives aren't that bad because at least they aren't like these schmohawks.
Is that the million-dollar secret? Do people watch "Jersey Shore" to find reassurance in their own lives?
"At least I'm not a complete piece of shit."
"At least I don't have sex with three girls in the same night."
"At least I don't poop in the fridge."
I love my life. I am not jealous of their lifestyles at all. I just don't see the allure of banging bitches on the reg and treating everyone like crap while acting as if the world owes me everything. I like me.
Sure, I could be in better shape, be tanner and wear better clothes, but by no means does this show inspire me to a better person.
Some people just need reassurance, though.
But a certain amount of reassurance comes at a cost. Although reassurance boosts ego and confidence, it also bolsters our errors.
With bad examples as role models, we may be more inclined to stay the way we are, but we may also be less inclined to punish the bad. It manages to both reinforce our good actions as "superior" and our bad actions as "not as bad."
But what about those who watch it and are jealous of the cast's lifestyles?
The jealousy is what scares me. What is there to be jealous of? I can understand the fascination with success and fame. But it scares me that people are approaching the concept that the ends truly justify the means of such douchebaggery.
"Screw being a compassionate, conscientious person with respect for anyone. It's all about that ‘dolla dolla bill, y'all.'"
I have also been told that people look to "Jersey Shore" as means to fill their "drama quota."
Why would you want drama, though? It just seems stupid that people overreact to things that aren't in any way associated with their lives.
And throughout this tirade, all I manage to do is sound like a douchebag, riding high and mighty upon my righteous steed of justice.
So on Aug. 4, while the world marvels at season four of "Jersey Shore," I'll most likely be busy doing something useful with my time.
Or by that time, maybe I will be a disciple, too.
Shea Ford is a psychology senior. His column appears on Tuesday.
