Be on your toes today, Gators. You’ve got to stay sharp, lest you fall victim to another lame April Fool’s joke.
While we aren’t looking forward to shenanigans that cause more eye rolls than their sitcom inspirations, we’re still getting into the mischievous spirit by rounding up the news with this week’s please-rethink-fooling-your-mother-into-thinking-you’re-pregnant edition of…Darts & Laurels.
We wish most of the news stories this week were yarns spun for April Fool’s Day.
Thursday’s weather is a good example.
We weren’t prepared for the onslaught of Florida’s summer storms, complete with driving rain, frequent lightning and umbrella-murdering wind. They even had tornadoes to the south of us. Whatever happened to, “In like a lion, out like a lamb?”
For psyching us out, we’re chucking an if-we-assign-you-an-easy-to-remember-saying-we-expect-you-to-live-up-to-it DART at March. Good riddance.
First, it brought us madness, then torrential rain.
At least we can look forward to those new green leaves after the downpour, though.
News emerged this week about a new artificial leaf that can change water into energy with 10 times the efficiency of an average plant’s rate of photosynthesis. It’s constructed with cheap and widely available materials, and it doesn’t degrade quickly, unlike previous leaf prototypes.
That means that sometime in the near future, we could be powering homes with things as simple as a small solar cell and a bucket of water.
For their energy breakthrough, we’re giving a let-us-know-when-the-leaves-go-on-the-market-so-we-can-craft-a-more-efficient-laurel LAUREL to Daniel Nocera and his Massachusetts Institute of Technology researchers.
You guys really earn your reputation.
So does our state government — if that reputation is causing constant groans and repeated forehead smacking. Allow us to elucidate.
State Rep. Scott Randolph used a joke to prove a point — the point being that Republicans want to regulate everything except for businesses — but the joke contained a word some of his colleagues found offensive. You know the one: Uterus. For a state that’s discussing abortion bans every time we turn around, it seems ridiculous that a scientific part of the female anatomy couldn’t be mentioned to a governing body.
For chastising Randolph for his “dirty” mouth, we’re firing a how-can-the-organ-used-to-produce-miracles-be-construed-as-offensive DART at the Florida House.
Exasperated doesn’t even begin to describe our reaction to the situation in our state. But it probably will describe the looks on unsuspecting victims of a new show that just got the green light.
Betty White is going to host a show dedicated to senior citizens pranking younger generations. We know we ragged on jokesters at the top of the column, but this show is bound to be funny. For reminding us that older people actually have a sense of humor, we’re giving a portions-of-the-target-demographic-might-literally-bust-a-gut-laughing-at-this LAUREL to NBC for giving the project the go-ahead.
We’re in the home stretch of spring semester. And you know what that means – furious paper writing, cramming and finals. We’ve got a month left Gators, make it count.
But we’re not going to have enough time to worry about it because we’re in the home stretch of spring semester. And you know what that means — furious paper writing, cramming and finals. We’ve got a month left Gators, make it count.
