Ladies, don’t be shy. Go ahead and show your “we’re-just-friends” guy some love. Sure, girls have to have their girl BFFs, but some say women may be remiss in ducking platonic friendships with guys. For one, that male chum of yours has something none of your estrogen-fueled cohorts do: less emotion.
“Men are socialized to be emotionally non-expressive,” said Ryan Duffy, a UF psychology professor. “Women are kind of the opposite.”
Most would argue there’s nothing wrong with that. But for some, too much emotion can be overwhelming.
“Sometimes, my girlfriends are indecisive,” Kristen Kearn, 18, said. “My guy friends initiate things. With girls, there’s this whole ‘I don’t want to hurt your feelings’ thing.”
UF marketing junior Katie Cancellare agreed: “[With] guy friends, you have fun. Girls are more talkative, more ‘Oh, my God!’”
Opposite-sex relationships can be full of emotion, but sometimes they may not be as platonic as they seem.
“Even if the woman was seeing the relationship as platonic, maybe the male — it’s still platonic — but maybe the male sees it as less platonic,” said Ilan Shrira, a UF visiting professor.
Derrel Pendergrass, 23, said most guys intend to form a more-than-platonic relationship when they get to know girls.
For an unavailable female in platonic relationship, problems may arise when a boyfriend asks why his boo is spending time with other fellas.
This proved the case for 21-year-old Kayla Stewart, who has been in a relationship for eight years. She said the issue of platonic friends has been a thorn in her boyfriend’s side, but through communication and reassurance, the relationship has kept its course.
Single ladies face a different problem with platonic buddies. While there’s no boyfriend brewing with trust issues, lurking behind their shoulders, there is an ocean full of hungry testosterone-pumping fish.
Duffy said: “If you’re going to be platonic friends with someone of the opposite sex, and you’re heterosexual, if you’re both emotionally and physically attracted to that person, it’s just going to be a problem.”
Geoffrey Greif, professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, said women — single and involved — should try to make as many platonic friends as possible, so long as they aren’t destructive.
“The beauty of the friendship is in the eye of the beholder,” Greif said. “A lot of people consider their spouses their best friend.”
