Stop pretending. Stop it right now. If there’s one thing you can do for yourself and others this coming new year, I need you to stop pretending.
I don’t mean “pretend” like pretending to play house or school when you were five years old with nothing but your Beanie Baby collection. I’m speaking about an issue a little more deep: the countless lies that have been instilled in our society to which we have all fallen victim. We have built our society on a foundation of superficialities and a hierarchy of what is right or acceptable.
Unfortunately, the majority of us have helped to socially construct this norm by either adding to it or quietly consenting ourselves to a lifelong battle with trying to do what is right.
Does going to the gym five days a week to get that perfect body make you happy? Does being the skinniest girl in the room really make you better? Do the letters on your shirt equal some outstanding moral code that will promise you lifelong happiness? Although we don’t ask ourselves these questions every day, the majority of UF students and people everywhere live their lives as if the answer to these questions is indeed “yes.”
I did it too.
It wasn’t my fault, and it’s not your fault either. But we can all do something about it.
As the end of the year approaches, I walk through the UF campus with a renewed perspective. I’ve woken up to the reality of what’s really going on in the minds of most of my peers and, quite frankly, most people everywhere. We are all trapped in one giant game of pretend.
What’s the danger in pretending? Why is this the best change you can make in the new year? Speaking from experience, pretending almost nearly took my life. A year ago I was about 40 pounds thinner and fighting anorexia nervosa. I was convinced being thinner would make me happy. I thought sporting gym clothes, running that extra mile and sweating myself to torture made my day. I thought being society’s stereotypically thin female would bring me everything I was missing.
Now a hospital visit, a year of therapy and several doctor appointments later, I realize just how far I took my game of pretend.
I was so unhappy my freshman year. I was failing my classes. I had moved away from my high school friends. I was dating all the wrong guys in all the wrong places. So, I did what many girls would have done. I played the blame game right away on my body.
My body was not right in my mind, and changing it was going to be the solution to my problem. I put on my running shoes and gym shorts, threw away any bad food in my dorm room, bought a diet book and started to join the many girls at the gym, begging for acceptance through the manipulation of my body. As the pounds came off I was convinced it was making me happy.
I felt more accomplished with every dropped pound. I loved the comments that came along with it. “You’ve lost so much weight!” “You look great!”
I remember to this day every single compliment. I became obsessed with maintaining this new weight, and the fear of gaining even a single pound slowly kept me more and more isolated from the things that really brought me joy in life.
None of it was my fault. And none of it is your fault either. I didn’t plan for this to happen. I couldn’t undo everything in my life that led me to this final breaking point. I couldn’t escape the game and the rules society had given me. We find comfort in these rules, as they’re a way to measure ourselves against the world and identify with one another. But I’m done playing pretend. I hope all of you are, too.
I’m done hearing about the latest diet fad or listening to people talk about how many crunches they need to do because of the cookie they had with lunch. What does it all really matter? If someone is so quick to judge me based solely on my appearance, I don’t want anything to do with them anyway. I’m done consenting. I am my own person.
I’ve started listening to myself for the first time in my life, and it’s amazing.
This is truly the best New Year’s resolution any of you can make.
Our society has made it feel like an obligation to diet, to be perfect. It’s been made the norm.
I’m now able to love my body and give it what it needs. I’m now able to just run on a day when my mind needs it or because my body feels like sweating and breathing. I’m now able to eat a giant bowl of ice cream with my boyfriend and wipe clean the mess he makes on his face. I’m now able to not obsess over every single calorie.
I am perfect the way I am, and so are you. I hope those of you struggling with an eating disorder can realize this and strive to recognize how beautiful you are for your New Year’s resolution. Everyone is beautiful in their own way.
I had some anxiety about sharing my story, as not everyone in my life is aware of what the past year has meant for me. However, I hope through my story others can find the courage to stop pretending. Continuing to pretend we’re happy with manipulating our bodies to compare to others will only bring us even deeper into this lie.
I’m not saying you have to have an eating disorder or be near losing your life to be a pretender, but if you’re escaping this threat you’re one of the lucky ones.
My realization didn’t come easy, but it doesn’t have to be that way for everyone. We hold the power to change it, to stop the game. You hold the power to get real with yourself. You have the power to help yourself.
Bianca Kahlenberg is a UF political science senior.
