This is a curious week, Gators. There’s not really a name for it either. It’s the post-Thanksgiving week where most of us grumble like Eeyore all the way to Gainesville, yet it’s not time for winter break. It’s the teaser week in between. It’s the week where professors plague our schedules with one final exam before the final exam. It’s the week where we switch our thermostats from air conditioning to heat in the span of an evening. It’s often called “Hell week.” So, for those of you wallowing in self-pity with your 98-page papers, your double-hand count of exams left and just general longing for the solace of winter break, never fear. The Department of Darts and Laurels is here to present you with your First-Of-Its-Kind-Thankscember edition of Darts & Laurels.
And for those of you cruising along just waiting to present your final project so you can peace out until Santa comes, just follow along. This is for you all, too.
And when we talk about the holidays, St. Nick often steals the show from that whole Jesus guy, whose birthday we’re supposed to be celebrating ever since the Christians of old time moved his summer birthday to winter.
And don’t mess with the Christians this time of the year, especially. Everyone seems to be filled with more Christ love than usual.
Especially agitated after the Smithsonian Institution National Portrait Gallery displayed a four-minute video featuring the Messiah on a crucifix with ants crawling over his body, certain Christians and Christian Republican lawmakers labeled the video by internationally renowned artist and AIDS victim David Wojnarowicz as an “obvious attempt to offend Christians.”
Of course, these comments are dwarfed by Rep. Jack Kingston’s comments, saying the Smithsonian’s budget should be looked at because it’s “squandering” its money on images that include men in chains.
For not realizing art is not just images you agree with and falsely labeling an artistic video as an attempt to offend Christians, we’re throwing a Can-We-Toss-Out-The-Mona-Lisa-Too DART at Reps. Eric Cantor and Jack Kingston.
But some good news did come out of Washington on Wednesday.
Pointing to the Deepwater Horizon disaster in April, the Obama administration pledged to halt offshore drilling along the Atlantic coast and much of the Gulf of Mexico.
While we couldn’t be more glad, we question why this deicison took so long. So, as we get ready to drape a Shiny-As-Oil LAUREL over the Obama administration, let’s step back and make sure we now invest heavily in renewable energy sources. You have to work for these Laurels. We don’t just give them out like candy.
And there are certain people who are not getting any candy. In fact, we hope they get coal for Christmas.
To the naysayers and those who oppose the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” specifically John McCain, we’re disgusted with you.
The time has come, following the Pentagon’s study that shows no harm would be done to the military if gay men and women could be open about their sexuality, to stop debating your bigotry. To continue debate is to inherently say heterosexuals should be valued over gay people and heterosexual soldiers are of greater human worth. What we should be doing is investigating the bigotry inherent in these few soldiers and telling them they have no right to serve. We’re disgusted with you. And we’re dissapointed in your leadership. We’re throwing John McCain a We-Can’t-Even-Look-At-You DART.
Try to make it to winter break, Gators. You’re almost there.
