As we all prepare to get blue in the face and just about everywhere else for the Saturday night southern showdown with Spurrier’s South Carolina, we can’t help but be thankful to the Thanksgiving gods for inching us closer to salvation every day.
Although Thanksgiving break always feels like a tiny November tease with a little more than a week left before finals and winter break, we’re happy to take any break we get. Like Thursday’s day off for Veterans Day. But we don’t want to start throwing Darts and Laurels just yet, so without further ado, we present you with your very own How-Many-Times-Have-You-Played-With-Your-Thermostat-Closed-Your-Windows-And-Reopened-Them-In-The-Past-Week? edition of…
Darts & Laurels
As Gators across Gainesville celebrated America’s veterans by using Wednesday night as an extra excuse to stay up late and flood bars and their bloodstreams, we’re glad to see so many of them caring about the actual reason Thursday was a national holiday.
So for being all patriotic, getting your Iwo Jima on and saving us from speaking German for the rest of our lives, the Department of Darts and Laurels would like to ride in one of those big tanks and proudly present our veterans with a Hey-Thanks-For-Putting-The-Japanese-And-Fascists-In-Their-Place LAUREL.
And what’s worse than fascists? Anarchists.
Wednesday, tens of thousands of angry, rioting London students marched through the British capital vehemently opposing proposed tuition increases.
Good thing no one at UF has to worry about tuition increases! And good thing there are no worries about planned mass protests against UF for definitely not proposing any such increases!
So, as a precautionary tale, the Departments of Darts and Laurels hopes no such violent riots with fires and crowds 10,000 deep come to campus. And what’s the best way to avert any such happenings, Gators? Abandon talks of block tuition and any more increased tuition.
So, for not heeding examples across the world about what happens when tuition increases, we’re throwing a No-One-Has-A-Bright-Future-With-Increased-Tuition DART at the Board of Governors.
And speaking of dim futures, here’s some good news from the steps of the Capitol.
President Barack Obama’s bipartisan commission on reducing the national debt unveiled its some-would-say-politically-provocative plan Wednesday.
The bipartisan plan calls for a gradual 15-cent increase in the federal gasoline tax, drastic cuts to military spending, the elimination of certain tax cuts and an increased retirement age for Social Security. The plan, the commission says, would erase about $4 trillion from the nation’s deficit in 10 years.
An increase in gasoline tax, a gradual increase at that, would encourage people to drive less, thereby reducing carbon emissions and would provide enormous federal revenue to create that $4 trillion in savings. And when the Department of Defense requests a 2011 budget of $708.2 billion, a few cuts wouldn’t be the worst thing.
For working together on a plan that will likely never get passed with the influx of Tea Party candidates, we’re throwing the commission a Teamwork-Is-Fun LAUREL.
We hope you look good in blue Saturday, Gators!
