We don’t even know where to start with the crazy this week, Gators. There’s so much to talk about with you, but we have so little time.
First, we had the guy in Kentucky who forced another guy to eat his beard. There is have the man in Wisconsin who shot his own TV after apparently becoming so enraged Brandy was booted from “Dancing With The Stars” instead of Bristol Palin.
And speaking of the Palins, Sarah Palin’s own TV show premiered this week, which only makes for good laughter at the thought of a presidential contender having her own TV show on The Learning Channel. Although we most definitely can learn how to skin a bear and keep women from having abortions from the Palins, let’s hope our future foreign relations don’t involve sitting on a porch and viewing Russia with binoculars.
And as to not keep you all waiting, the Department of Darts and Laurels would like to present you all with a Cherish-This-Edition-With-All-Your-Heart-As-We-Won’t-Be-Back-Next-Friday-Because-Some-Of-Our-Thanksgiving-Breaks-Start-Now edition of Darts & Laurels.
And to keep the crazy momentum going, let’s visit San Diego for a bit.
When we last left you, John Tyner, a 31-year-old California man, was known to nobody except those close to him.
But after Saturday, Tyner has become the poster child with a silver tongue for the opposition to the Orwellian evolution of airport security.
With his refusal to undergo a virtual strip search and a refusal to be “sexually assaulted” by a pat down from airport officials, Tyner let loose the soon-to-be-iconic phrase, “If you touch my junk, I’ll have you arrested.”
And for speaking his mind, for letting the government know enough is enough and for sticking it to Big Brother while his fellow Americans bend over backward while the clock strikes 13, the Department of Darts and Laurels would like to give Tyner a We’re-Not-Touching-Your-Junk-Either LAUREL for igniting the flame against obtrusive “security.”
Speaking of standing up for what’s right in the face of great opposition, we’ve never been happier to throw a huge laurel to a 14-year-old teenager with the audacity and valiance of a grown man.
Graeme Taylor, an openly gay young teenager spoke to his school board, pleading for immediate reinstatement of Jay McDowell, a teacher who was suspended for telling a student making anti-gay remarks to get out his class.
For acknowledging the injustices in punishing the persecuted and not the persecutor, we’re throwing a We’re-Only-Saddened-It-Took-A-14-Year-Old-Boy-To-Awaken-The-Hearts-Of-Many LAUREL to Graeme Taylor.
And then we have Fox News. Never letting up with its stream of endless fodder for other media to laugh at, Fox News criticized Obama for including Sitting Bull in his children’s book released this week because the Lakota holy man “killed a U.S. general.”
For not realizing the greater atrocities Americans committed against the Native Americans, we’re throwing a But-What-Would-We-Do-With-The-Extra-Day-Of-Mail-On-Columbus-Day-If-We-Realized-How-Many-Native-Americans-He-Killed DART at Fox News.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving break, Gators. We’ll miss you.
