We heard the news of Ole Miss’ new mascot and we couldn’t pass this game up.
The Rebels finally did away with their traditional one that brought the confederacy to mind and will use a black bear instead.
We left it to two alligatorSports staff writers to debate the Bulldogs’ next game against Alabama.
Ole Miss (+20.5) will avoid the blowout because ...
The South will rise again.
Mike McCall thinks he’s standing in support of the South by picking Alabama to cover, since he loves all those cute little southern sorority girls, but he actually got this one backward.
We’ve long discussed how a team gains an incredible amount of momentum when playing in the wake of the death of a teammate, coach, etc.
Well, Ole Miss is playing this week after the death of something far greater.
Colonel Reb.
For this reason, Ole Miss will rally and cover this nearly three-touchdown spread. There’s no way Ole Miss win this game, but McCall will see when the real South puts its mind to something, they can lose by 20 with the best of ‘em.
— KYLE MAISTRI
Lord Saban and the Tide (-20.5) will demolish the spread because:
The Rebel Black Bear? Seriously?!
After banishing Colonel Reb and tantalizing the nation with talk of instating Admiral Ackbar, Ole Miss chose a black bear as its new mascot Thursday — despite the fact that this mascot is supposed to be more racially sensitive (Note to Ole Miss: leave color out of it) and that the only kind of bear native to the state is named after Louisiana.
The relation between the school and bears goes back to Teddy Roosevelt once ordering the mercy killing of a black bear in Mississippi, spawning the term “Teddy Bear.”
That’s especially fitting, because Alabama-Ole Miss will look pretty similar to a mercy killing.
— MIKE McCALL
In first with a record of 32-26 is alligatorSports assistant editor Tyler “I swear it’s a joke” Jett, who left a maximized Amar’e Stoudemire nude photo on his computer for five hours. He swears he was just trying to surprise people when they walked in the room, but we all know he was curious about Stoudemire’s conversion to Judaism.
In first place for losers with a 30-28 record is alligatorSports writer Mike “She’ll be standing there, right between the plastic forks and ketchup packets” McCall, who said he wants to meet his future wife at Cheeburger Cheeburger. If you see a gentleman with a wiry frame, elongated neck and ironic T-shirt at the Reitz Union Food Court, you’ll also see an engagement ring.
Tied with Mike is Gatorbait.net’s Keith “Is her body in one piece?” Niebuhr, who revealed his long, thoughtful checklist of what he wants in a woman. Ladies looking to score with this eligible bachelor better have a left foot and both eyes. Keith doesn’t get fooled twice.
With a fistful of fourth-place fury and a 29-29 record is alligatorSports writer Kyle “All aboard the D-Train!” Maistri, who wears his Dontrelle Willis jersey tee every Thursday. When you do something, you go all-out, and we respect you for it, Kyle. But why’d you have to blow your choo-choo whistle when someone asked about the Mississippi State running game.
In fifth place with a 28-30 record is alligatorSports editor Anthony “Miami Thrice looks so nice” Chiang, who forces the rest of the sports department to exit the office during preseason Heat games so he can strip down to his boxers accented with little flames while watching LeBron and Dwyane.
Tied with Anthony is The Gainesville Sun’s Edward “It always ends in a dance-off” Aschoff, who can’t go to the Grog House without receiving a John-Travolta-in-the-’70s challenge.
In “thank God I’m not in last” place with a 27-31 record is Cody “That’s some good fan support Tampa Bay… for me to poop on!” Jones, who can’t stand the fact that people cheer for the Rays during playoff runs. Hater.
And in dead-ass last place with a piss-poor record of 26-32 and an even pissier and poorer attitude is Joe “Here today, gone tomorrow” Goodman, who abruptly cancelled his goodbye dinner with his little brother, Mike McCall. We understand you’ve moved on to the homely drug deals and gangbangs of Miami, but you should be more sensitive. When a heart breaks, it don’t bring even, Joe.
