I’ve always told myself I would never be the type of parent who would force his dog into a ridiculous Halloween costume.
I was reminded of this ridiculously premature assertion by my roommate as she found me bullying my dog into a costume made mostly of aluminum foil and paper fins.
After removing fragments of aluminum from her mouth, my dog just glared at me, bitterly questioning my intentions.
Needless to say, she will be dressed as a naked dog this year.
My dog has been the least of my problems this Halloween season. Finding myself a costume has been harder than I imagined.
A Peter Pan costume is impossible in this town. Not even looking for kid sizes, which I can somehow still squeeze into, has produced a costume.
Asking my friends for help was just as useful as asking my dog to sit still as I wrapped her in aluminum. Most of their answers involved the words sexy or Snooki.
Now before you say that’s an awesome idea, don’t.
Dressing up in all that orange would be insulting and probably harmful for my complexion.
I know at least a handful of people already planning on donning a Bumpit and a can of Cheetos-orange paint.
But the real question surrounding Halloween is: Can we just take any regular costume and make it sexy?
The origins of All Hallow’s Eve was to scare away evil spirits, not turn them on. Naturally, I’m mystified as to what a sexy zombie wears.
It seems dressing up for Halloween in all actuality is more like dressing down nowadays. Masks, blood and capes have been replaced by lingerie, nipple pasties and a tinge of regret.
Halloween has become the one night when you can wear whatever you’d like without being called a slut, according to my roommate and some philosophical skanks in “Mean Girls.”
Regardless of where it originated, she does have a point.
Halloween has become a free pass for promiscuous behavior, and perhaps that’s why my dog, Tuna, was dissatisfied with her costume. It just was not risqué enough for her. Perhaps she wanted an aluminum bikini to show of her sexy tail. But I just could not be a part of that.
With Halloween so close, I can’t help but wonder if I will ever find an appropriate costume in time. Considering the worst-case scenario, Tuna and I can go dressed as twins.
With a little sedative she would sit still long enough to take a few pictures in our matching tuna-can costumes.
It’s either that or try to convince her to be the JWoww to my Snooki.
I’m sure she’ll be thrilled.
Hassan Casanova is a third-year family, youth and community science student at Santa Fe College. His column appears every Friday.
