If you’re energized and dedicated enough to get out of bed on your day off and realize UF recognizes the day before Homecoming as a holiday but not the day before Thanksgiving, good for you!
Who needs an extra day with his or her family (family, schmamily!) before the quintessential family holiday anyway when you’re busy thanking UF for the annual Homecoming parade on your day off?
Not us! That’s why we’re spending our day off from school at the annual Homecoming parade, handing out our precious and beloved once-a-year Homecoming edition, which comes complete with your very own edition of We’re-Just-Glad-We-Won’t-Have-To-Hear-“Git-‘r’-done!”-At-This-Year’s-Gator-Growl-My-God-We-Were-Embarrassed….
Darts & Laurels
But there are a few things we are happy about. In fact, there are 33 things. You might even say we’re inspired.
After almost 70 days trapped in a collapsed mine more than a half-mile underground, Chilean workers freed all 33 miners during a tense and internationally inspirational return to freedom.
We’re glad to see Chile did not have to experience the sadness our own country fell prey to when an explosion killed about 30 coal miners in West Virginia in April.
In an internationally compelling, can’t-pull-our-eyes-away-from-the-TV moment when the 33rd miner was raised to Earth’s surface in a tiny, claustrophobia-inducing capsule, we couldn’t help but tear up a little for Chileans everywhere.
And for giving the rest of the world hope in future catastrophes like this, we’re throwing Chile a We-Couldn’t-Have-Fashioned-A-Rope-From-Our-Bedroom-Window-Down-To-The-Ground-Kind-Of-Trick LAUREL.
And then again, our inspiration is knocked down and spat upon by a couple of money-hungry, works-for-the-man, money-speaks-louder-than-words government officials who would rather open the Gulf of Mexico to oil drilling again than actively pursue offshore wind farming and renewable energy sources.
We were seriously scarred from that picture of the bird trying to remove itself from the oil’s quicksand sludge. Seriously. Scarred.
So, for holding oil companies, who have a larger checkbook than our oceans and who can speak louder than our future environmental health, we’re dumping barrel after barrel of oily DARTS on the White House for lifting the oil-drilling moratorium in the Gulf of Mexico.
We hope you get your own version of “The Birds” coming to peck you annoyingly.
But there’s one sassy lady who doesn’t let those with bigger pocketbooks and lower levels of acceptance run her game.
Judge Virginia Phillips stuck it to those who want to enforce bigotry and inequality again when she ordered an injunction this week to immediately stop the Pentagon’s enforcement of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy that discharges openly gay members from serving our country in wars even they don’t agree with.
You go, girl! For recognizing bigotry has no place in government or anywhere else, we’re lovingly placing a We-Want-A-Big-Coming-Out-Party-In-Kandahar-Afghanistan-Now LAUREL on Judge Phillips.
Enjoy the day off, Gators. You won’t be so lucky before Thanksgiving.
