This is the time of the year when pool parties become priorities and Club West slowly starts to return to its normal quiet madness.
It’s also the time of year when Gator football begins, and Saturdays become synonymous with tailgating and beer-can-bombing campus a la Johnny Appleseed with apple trees. So, before your memory evades you and you forget what day of the week it is, we leave you with a we’re-surprised-you-took-a-break-from-pre-gaming-long-enough-to-read-this edition of...
Darts & Laurels
And speaking of surprise, we had quite a shock this week when we found out one of our own had become a linebacker for the Gators. We’re positive it’s the first — and last — time in history that an Alligator staffer also gets to strap on the orange and blue and run through that tunnel most people only see from the stands.
We’re positively bursting with pride (we like to think we put so much pressure on him that he harnessed his inner rage and charged his way right onto the field with deadlines in mind), so we’re gripping those laces and hurling a football-shaped LAUREL at a certain former section editor and staff writer of ours. You’ll be sorely missed.
And while we’re on the subject of missing people, it’s hard to start football season without thinking of Tim Tebow, who leaves a gaping hole in our hearts and forces us to retire our No. 15 jerseys a little earlier than we’d have liked.
Still, we’re proud of our little Timmy, so we’re whipping out the eye black and writing a big old LAUREL to the one and only Tim Tebow.
Proving people wrong has been a hot topic of conversation recently, especially among offshore drilling advocates with their “Drill, baby, drill!” chants becoming “Drill, baby, drill?”
Even with Deepwater Horizon spewing hundreds of millions of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico and decimating marine life, it amazed us how quickly people changed their minds to again support offshore drilling as soon as British Petroleum stopped the leak.
Well, another oil rig exploded in the Gulf of Mexico on Thursday.
We’re not chemistry majors — we don’t know how to build stuff that requires more know-how than a Jenga tower — but we don’t think it should be the hardest thing to, you know, stop blowing up oil rigs.
Although the Coast Guard said there’s no visible sheen of oil and there’s no sign this will turn into another public-relations and ecological disaster, we’re drenching offshore-drilling advocates with a 200-million-gallon-bird-soaking DART.
We know we can’t drench anyone with a dart, but that’s just how mad we are.
But some things make us happy.
Canceled classes, the return of Pumpkin Spice Lattes (although not when it’s 95 degrees outside — we’re so confused as to what season it is) and cupcakes. Cupcakes always make us happy.
But when an independent candidate, who was likely to split the vote for governor and give the governor’s mansion to a millionaire trying to buy that very house, drops out – well, that’s just like candy.
So, Lawton Chiles III, we’re boisterously throwing a We’re-So-Glad-You-Admitted-You-Are-Unsuccessful-Because-Now-We-Might-Have-A-Chance-To-Vote-A-Qualified-Person-Into-Our-Governor’s-Mansion LAUREL to you.
If you read this far, we’re proud. So very proud.
You can skip to the crossword puzzle now.
