Since we last left you, the gems of our Gator Nation, we were enjoying the last bit of the summer season we still had left.
We were still confused at Jamba Juice offering pumpkin smoothies and Starbucks offering its we-don’t-even-care-how-many-calories-are-in-that-artificial-autumn-flavored-syrup pumpkin spice lattes.
So, here we find ourselves, Gators. We’re once again stuck at the time of year when we just don’t know when to unpack our autumn home décor and when to put away our bikinis until Halloween when they’ll undoubtedly come back out.
And in light of that complete confusion, the Department of Darts and Laurels would like to present you with your very own Don’t-Unpack-The-Cornucopias-And-Plastic-Pumpkins-Just-Yet-Even-If-Starbucks-Wants-Us-All-To-Believe-It’s-Autumn edition of Darts & Laurels
But, really, it’s fall. Officially.
Oh, wait, you all couldn’t tell? Neither could we.
We still can’t walk on campus without sweating.
The proliferation of sweaty upper lips and armpit stains are seriously affecting our swag.
And we think it’s getting hotter.
Seriously, we’re sweating even when walking in the air conditioning.
So for giving The Swamp a whole different meaning and leaving no end in sight to the 90-degree heat in late September, we’re throwing a We-Just-Want-To-Wear-Our-Scarves DART at La Nina, El Nino, the weather gods and/or Mother Nature.
We seriously don’t know who to be mad at.
But the weather isn’t the only crazy thing happening recently.
A tea party favorite is generating some news we just want to send a muffin basket for.
Christine O’Donnell, the GOP darling looking to seize Vice President Biden’s former Senate seat in Deleware surged to the national spotlight with her recent primary win. And then a video surfaced of her saying she “dabbled in witchcraft.”
Nope, she didn’t attend anti-war rallies. And God forbid a tea party candidate have a history of social welfare reform. But witchcraft?
This is the kind of bizarre, wacky news we just can’t make up.
So, for giving us something to laugh about, we’re flicking our wand and making a We-Only-Hope-You-Were-A-Slytherin-So-We-Don’t-Feel-Bad-For-making-Fun-Of-You LAUREL to Christine O’Donnell. May the force be with you. But not in November.
We realize not everything is this happy.
The U.S. Senate killed the dreams of Hispanics and gay Americans across the country this week by not being able to garner enough votes to move forward with a vote on the defense bill that tacked on a provision to enact the DREAM Act and another to end “don’t ask, don’t tell.”
And when we say “the U.S. Senate,” we really mean “Republican senators and the state of Arkansas.”
For making us ashamed of our leaders, we’re throwing a We-Can-Only-Hope-November-Proves-Well-For-Future-Chances-Of-Equality DART at Senate Republicans and those from Arkansas. Thanks for distancing yourself from progression.
Put the scarf down until next week, Gators.
