It happened: Bernie Machen won, and Georgia beat us. The Bulldogs are now ranked as the No. 1 party school in the nation, while UF has slipped to seventh place after taking the top spot two years ago.
We cut out that last beer of the night so we could sober up and drive home. We got worried about calories and started drinking six nights a week instead of seven. We started taking our classes too seriously and stayed in during finals instead of winging it.
What a tough lesson in reality. We, as a student body, let our guard down and UGA didn’t waste a second stealing the crown away from us.
Who would have thought that the only other school with an invite to the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party would end up stripping us of our honor?
We used to be the best at something, and now we’re nothing more than second fiddle to one of our conference rivals. We wouldn’t accept this kind of performance from our football team, so how can we accept this for ourselves?
And to think, Machen is probably reclining in his desk chair, smoking a cigar and laughing at our misfortune. We think he was colluding with the Bulldogs the entire time — once he realized we were an unstoppable force, he probably went to Athens and publicly encouraged them to start drinking more.
In fact, this all seems fishy to us. Think about the recent rash of underage drinking problems and the DUI on the football team. Who’s paying off the Princeton Review? That stigma, er, honor is ours, and we deserved to get it again this year.
