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Tuesday, November 12, 2024

The city may have hammered the last nail in the coffin for ladies night months ago, but that’s not stopping local wells from walking on the razor’s edge to get around the now-illegal, yet oh-so-common, promotion.

Rather than mourn the death of free booze for broads, bars like Grog House and Rue Bar have gotten proactive. Introducing the new specials, which are the same as the old specials. Whether you name it “shaved-leg night,” “high-heel night,” or exactly what it is—loophole abuse—it’s just a clever way for our favorite dives, clubs and haunts to get around the law.

Theoretically, you don’t have to be a member of the fairer sex to get one of those bottomless, white plastic cups—any Tom, Dick or Harry with milky smooth calves could get away with drinking for free at Grog House on a Wednesday night. But paying for that pitcher of Natural Light is probably preferable to explaining all those nicks and cuts on your thighs to your bro friends.

We understand why bars want to keep the status quo—getting a bunch of girls to patronize a college sweatbox is a surefire way to get guys to come in and slap their paper, or plastic, on the bar and join in on the fun. Plus, if the drinks are free for the ladies, then guys have to spring for the good stuff to turn any heads.

But the problem with ladies night wasn’t discrimination, it was something much bigger: binge drinking.

Sure, it stings a little having to pay for drinks when you see how effortlessly teenag—uh—20-somethings get their umpteenth, free vodka-cranberry, but it’s not hard to get over. What is hard to get over is enabling and encouraging young women to drink as much as they want or can in an environment filled with strangers who can’t wait to sidle out into that alleyway behind Midtown and facilitate some bad decisions.

We aren’t trying to weave a horror story here, but if we were we wouldn’t have to tread too far from reality to prove that bad things can happen when a lot of free booze is involved.

That’s why the law was made in the first place. Maybe there is some sort of discriminatory aspect to ladies night, but the ban had a secondary objective to curb binge drinking. The solution: fight fire with fire. Or in this case, fight loophole abuse with loophole abuse.

Bars exist because they are profitable. It wouldn’t be hard for any local well to make bank at 4 a.m. on Easter Sunday if it were allowed to be open. It would be hard to make Wednesdays and Thursdays a boon to their bottom lines if everyone walking in had shaved legs and heels though.

Maybe it would be a little embarrassing for guys to ask for free drinks on the basis of their legs being freshly shaven, but we worked out the alibi for you: Just meet all those condescending looks from bouncers and bartenders with a quick story about how you decided to take up professional swimming.

It might seem a little too unbelievable at first, but trust us—after a few free drinks, you won’t really care that much at all. Just be vigilant about keeping those legs smooth—nobody likes those second-day pricklies.

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