Guess what, folks? The scientists are at it again. No, they’re not doing sciencey things. They’re busy promoting Al Gore’s global warming Ponzi scheme.
We told you to ignore them. We told you that because it was cold one day when it should have been warm, Gore’s global warming was just a lukewarm scam to get you to — gasp — recycle and be efficient.
Don’t fall for it. Be a responsible, informed citizen and ask questions. Get a chalkboard if you can. It helps when you tell others about your thoughts. Make sure you have tissues around, though, because some of your words will be smeared by your tears.
Now, remember when those scientists were found out to be the lying perpetrators of Al Gore’s global warming scam in that whole stolen e-mail scandal?
The cover-up continues, my friends.
An independent panel has ruled that the scientists “acted with integrity and made no attempt to manipulate their research on global temperatures.” Oh, really? You call being scientifically objective and trying to consider both sides of the issue on Al Gore’s global warming an act of integrity?
I beg to differ. There is only one side of Al Gore’s global warming debate, and it is this: Liberals, progressives, communists, fascists and especially Marxists are lying to you. And they’re doing it because they don’t care about you. You know who cares about you? We do. I and others like me care about you and want you to feel safe when you go outside. We don’t want you to be afraid of big, bad Al Gore’s global warming because there is nothing to worry about. And we’re definitely not just in it for the money, I promise.
My heroes Glenn Beck, Hannity the Manatee and Rush Limbaugh have been telling you for years that Gore’s global warming was a myth perpetrated by the aforementioned groups. If only we had listened. We could have stopped that pesky recycling process and allowed a comfortable layer of smog to cover our dear city. It would intimidate our opponents in all sports if they saw our city shrouded in an ominous layer of healthy pollution.
And it’s not just Al Gore’s global warming that these “scientists” want to lie to you about for their own profit. They want to stop the wheels of capitalism and the free market. This became even more apparent when in Scotland and northern England, flights were canceled Thursday due to a cloud of volcanic ash from an eruption in Iceland.
Can you say overreaction? They just want to stop the passengers from shopping at the duty-free shops because they can’t get any of their precious taxes from the stores. Everyone knows that the goal of Obama’s left-wing radicalism is to increase taxes on everyone in every country, and that includes the ultimate goal of eliminating the duty-free stores. How better to do that than to create some scientific problem with volcanic ash? Why would the ash even visit Britain right now? If I were the ash, I would float down to the Caribbean. But the Marxists knew that wouldn’t make much of an impact, so they decided to have the ash head to Britain, somewhere we all know well because of its terrifying health care system. They’re so Marxist they had Obamacare before Obama was even born. Except their Obamacare doesn’t provide the opportunity for increased competition like ours does. But don’t pay attention to that.
All I’m saying is that we need to stay vigilant against the Commie-Marxists. Don’t get angry at them, they can’t help it.
Remember, Barack Obama’s mother and father both left him for Marxism. He didn’t stand a chance.
At least that’s what Glenn Beck told me.
