Going against the tradition of bringing in intellectual “heavy hitters” such as Meghan McCain, Andy Samberg and the ever-esteemed, generic “Real World” cast member, our beloved high council of white sepulchres at Accent were able to lure religion experts Dinesh D’Souza and Christopher Hitchens to campus Tuesday night.
When it came time for the Q-and-A session, we never prayed harder for emergency phone calls as the two speakers were subjected to a machine-gun barrage of moronic statements and questions that went way beyond the infantile.
Such million-dollar winners include asking an atheist to look inside himself, advising the participants to brush up on their medieval Italian history before their next stop at Notre Dame (I’m sure the two immediately went to Library West and poured over dusty textbooks of the Medici family out of fear of being exposed as charlatans) and the wailing of an ever-expected ad hominem ass-clown, whose Oscar-winning performance as a real-life “Simple Jack” might have slowed the process of human evolution by a few millennia.
However, the best was saved for last. We respect the young woman for trying to approach Hitchens, who can be very daunting with his scathing sarcasm, by asking him to take her seriously as a Christian. However, when you immediately follow up this request by completely butchering his last name — “Hitchenson” — you become the personification of an epic fail.
We understand that with every public forum, you’re going to have a few turds that float to the top of the punc bowl, but when it gets so bad that the moderator of the debate, who is said to be nothing but a well-mannered, class act of a professor, tells the audience they can do better, public beatings need to ensue.
Hell, even the two opposing debaters, who under normal circumstances would have trouble agreeing on the color of the sky, were able to put their intellectual differences aside for a minute as they united in calling one of the questions “incomprehensible.”
Are these failures of contraception, er, students, a true reflection of the intellectual capacity of the UF Student Body?
We can say without hesitation that they are most certainly not. That’s why it’s such a crime against humanity to have these people speak on our behalf. God forbid an outsider sees a video of Tuesday’s performance and comes away with the impression that UF molds students with reading lists composed of “Green Eggs and Ham” and “The Puppy Who Lost His Way.”
It doesn’t matter if you’re a heathen who likes to sacrifice baby sheep to the Fox News Channel or if you’re the second coming of Ned Flanders. Either way, we encourage students to stand side-by-side in delivering a heavenly ordained, ecumenical trashing to this brigade of bumbling bozos.
If we don’t, expect our intellectual arteries to clog by a robust lecture diet of Rob Schneider, the Kardashians and any woman who gets a TV show on TLC because her iron uterus can punch out a platoon of fetuses.
