We’re not sure about you, but it’s been quite an eventful week here at the Alligator.
We’ve covered everything from a belligerent Student Body president and angry, whiny Republicans to a diva-esque “Saturday Night Live” comedian refusing to have his picture taken and Gainesville’s resident-crazies selling furniture out of their so-called “church.”
And as much as you hate to admit it, we know you wouldn’t go anywhere else for your weekly wrap-up. So look out and get ready to be angered because here comes this week’s would-you-really-expect-anything-less-of-us edition of Darts & Laurels.
Because these things practically write themselves.
Speaking of stories practically writing themselves, the Alligator was excited to hear that it’ll soon have another competitor.
Members of the Greek community, our biggest and most loving fan base, have taken it upon themselves to start Greek Weekly.
According to an e-mail sent out to students in UF’s journalism college, Greek Weekly will focus on event coverage, sporting events and profiles of “the best and most driven members of the school.”
And we couldn’t be more excited.
That’s why we’re going to throw a finally-there-will-be-an-unbiased-group-out-there-to-cover-UF’s-brightest-gems LAUREL to the editors of Greek Weekly.
God knows they never get any fair coverage in this rag — we only care about them when they’re off getting DUI’s, hazing freshmen, making parodies of “I’m on a Boat” and taunting SNAP drivers...
That’s right, Student Body President Jordan Johnson, unlike the University Police Department, we know who you are (and we didn’t have to Google you, either).
For those of you unaware, Johnson had a run-in with the law after SNAP refused to take him to his off-campus apartment Saturday morning.
He, naturally, responded by threatening to pull the agency’s funding.
Luckily, members of UPD were able to take a break from writing speeding tickets long enough to check out the situation.
When they got there, an officer asked Johnson to identify himself. Johnson replied, “You know who I am.”
So we’re mustering up all our anger and astonishment and throwing a how-dare-you-not-know-he’s-the-Student-Body-president DART at the UPD.
And while we’re on the subject of being offended, we were personally offended when our photographer was stonewalled from the Andy Samberg event.
We fork over our parents’ hard-earned money so Accent can bring us the truly inspiring, enlightening speakers we all know and love.
It’s bad enough that the average student was forced to sneak cell phone photos, but to deny the Alligator is just outrageous.
Seriously. Doesn’t he know who we are? Then again, maybe he was just afraid that having his photo in the paper would inspire the same response as the girls in his “Jizz in my Pants” video. Either way, we’re lobbing a you’re-not-that-important DART at Andy Samberg.
That’s all for this week. We look forward to the slew of nasty letters from the bright ones whom our sarcasm escapes. Go forth and complain.
