There’s this new thing out that’s pretty fantastic.
It’s called “Facebook.” Oh, you’ve heard of it? Interesting.
Then you must know how much it helps your research skills.
That’s right. If you thought all your Facebook stalking was simply you being a little bit creepy, you’ve missed the best part.
Here’s how it works. Back in the day, if you wanted to learn information about a person, you had to talk to people.
Want to know if your coworker is single?
You’d better have a base of friends at work to discreetly inquire about her relationship status.
Want to know who a person’s friends are?
You need to know people who can tell you.
There was a split: talk to people for things about people, go to the card catalog in the library for everything else.
And let’s face it, people care about people a lot more than they care about plant biology or the history of Madagascar.
So people’s skills at getting information interpersonally would progress, while their ability to research facts would—well, let’s just say it would never become a strong point.
Enter Facebook stalking. On the Internet, learning is learning.
It takes skills to find things out, but they are the same kind of skills for people and for information.
Delving into those Wikipedia links on a topic is really similar to reading the latest Apple rumors.
And consider finding out about that coworker.
She doesn’t have a “relationship status” listed, so that could be good or bad.
Out of her 87 profile pics, none of them are with a guy.
She’s way too cute not to have dated somebody, so she must have purged her boyfriend-y pictures. Maybe she’s single, then.
There aren’t any incriminating wall posts, just a lot of back-and-forth with a Filipe from Peru.
An ethnic boyfriend? He’s pretty overt about the pursuit if that’s the case.
They should really switch over to messages.
Oh, there it is. An inconspicuous comment on a photo from a party two weeks ago: “haha can’t wait to see you and your boo next weekend!” says Sarah Adams.
Sigh. Better luck next time.
The principle extends beyond Facebook usage, of course.
Spelling is the domain of Firefox’s little red corrections, grammar is a comparative Google search, and bibliographies are a fill-in-the-blank effort on some websites. It all goes to show that the distinction between work and fun is blurring.
In fact, I’ve gotten confused before about whether I was researching or wasting time.
Tell me a situation like this hasn’t happened to you.
You’re in a German class where you have to do projects.
This week’s writing assignment is on Konrad Adenauer, the first Chancellor of West Germany after World War II.
You pull up the Wikipedia page on him (in English and German), have a tab for Google image results, a tab for general Internet search results, and yet another tab or two for additional random, interesting sites.
And then you start digesting Adenauer.
Ten minutes later, you say to yourself, “Wow, I’ve been stalking the shit out of this guy. I should really get to work.”
Then you remember that Adenauer is a historical figure, not your friend, and that you’re almost finished with your project.
So in conclusion, don’t hesitate to get your stalk on.
Because I think it’s basically going to give us all A’s for the rest of the semester.
I mean, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg went to Harvard, and look what Facebook’s done for him.
