With spring break only three short weeks away, visions of beaches and bathing suits are already dancing in the heads of the Department of Darts & Laurels.
So before our mid-semester blues start to kick in and we become more obsessed with spring break plans than our jobs, we’re going to present you with a we-should-probably-squeeze-in-a-few-visits-to-the-gym-and-put-down-the-pizza-before-it’s-too-late edition of Darts & Laurels
We’re not the only ones who should find more productive things to do with our time.
Several members of the Delta Gamma Sorority found themselves on a sinking boat this week when news of a video making fun of other UF sororities came out — again.
Even though no one’s talking about it (well everyone’s talking about it, they’re just not talking to us about it) and Alligator reporters had to go all Woodward and Bernstein just to be rejected from about every person in the Greek community — which didn’t surprise us — we’re putting on our night-vision goggles, looking through our scopes and shooting a you-can-run-but-you-certainly-can’t-hide DART at Delta Gamma Sorority’s UF chapter, the Delta Gamma executive offices and UF’s Panhellenic Council.
A little bit of advice — it works out better for everyone when you’re just honest about it. Saying “no comment” only makes you all look like you have something to hide.
And while we’re on the subject of this video, we’re going to throw a leave-the-“I’m-on-a-Boat”-singing-to-Andy-Samberg-and-T-Pain DART at the video’s stars for getting that dumb song stuck in our heads for the past three days and for being the reason we wasted an hour last night deciphering your Greek Speak.
Speaking of Greeks, Student Body President Jordan Johnson announced earlier this week he’ll be proposing a relief from the financial burden of the Reitz Union fee for graduate assistants at the next board of trustees meeting.
The Editorial Board is happy to see that Johnson listened to these students’ concerns and is actually doing something about it. That’s why we’re going to throw a we-always-believed-in-you LAUREL to Johnson.
And while we’re on the subject of someone we’ve always believed in. Al Gore is getting a lot of crap this week as the greater part of the Northeast is being covered in the house-burying, nose-numbing, electric-bill-skyrocketing snowmageddon.
Nonbelievers are doing a jig and singing victory songs. But we have news for you: The snowpocalypse doesn’t disprove global warming.
So the Editorial Board is revving up its blowtorch and shooting a nice hot we-know-you’re-gloating-now-but-wait-until-your-grandchildren-have-to-rely-on-melting-ice-caps-for-drinking-water DART at all the climate skeptics. Really, though, haven’t they taken any science classes? If they had, they’d know that increased moisture in the air due to rising global temperatures mean more intense storms. We just wish people would get out of denial and admit their Hummers and 45-minute showers are destroying the planet.
Another thing about environmental irresponsibility, SG parties have only been leaving fliers on our cars for a day, but we’re already sick of it. We usually don’t notice until we’re already in the car and they’re obstructing our view. And when we finally reach our hands out the window and peel them off our windshields, they’re usually too soggy from the rain to even read.
So the Editorial Board is going around campus, gathering the fliers, folding them into paper airplanes and sending a we-know-you-won’t-stop-covering-our-cars-in-the-fliers-but-could-you-at-least-print-them-in-neon-pink-to-make-it-fun DART at SG.
Well, it’s been a long week, and we have nothing else to complain about or commend. Until next week, gather as many fliers as you can — we’re going to paper the Alligator office walls and use them as a dart board.
