Forgive us if we slur a little. We’re still nursing our Student Government hangovers and are a little disoriented. But we don’t have that much to complain about — unlike our SG reporter, who is still in her exhaustion-induced coma.
So, while we take a few Tylenols, pour another cup of coffee and put on our sunglasses, we’re going to slowly present you with this week’s Turlington-Plaza-kind-of-looks-eerie-now-that-all-those-pesky-SG-people-have-finally-vacated-it edition of Darts & Laurels.
But we find comfort in the fact that some of those said missing persons will be turning up in the Student Senate Tuesday — especially the 20 new senators elected from the Student Alliance party.
It’s good to see there will finally be some democracy in the Senate. That’s why we’re going to write a resolution, pass it unanimously and hand over a we’re-excited-to-see-the-faces-of-Unite-Party-members-turn-red-while-you-all-make-motions-against-everything-they-say LAUREL to the little indie party that could.
Give ‘em hell.
One last SG-related thing, and then we promise we’ll stop. The Department of Darts & Laurels would like to hand out a we-don’t-care-if-it-was-our-editorial-their-fliers-or-the-fact-you-wanted-a-sticker-to-use-as-immunity-we’re-just-happy-you-voted LAUREL to each of the 9,775 students who went out to the polls Tuesday and Wednesday. It wasn’t an all time high, but it wasn’t an all time low either, and we’re OK with that.
Something we’re not OK with though, and something we’re a little confused about, is why SeaWorld Orlando has chosen to keep Tilikum, the whale that killed its trainer yesterday in front of horrified fans.
Extensive research has been done about reintroducing captive animals to the wild, and even whales like Tilikum, who was bred in captivity, have had success being released. But SeaWorld has decided against releasing the animal, who has proven three times so far that his environment isn’t working for him.
Therefore, the Editorial Board is shooting an underwater torpedo how-many-bodies-will-it-take-before-you-stop DART at SeaWorld.
On the other end of the subject of freedom, we’re having mixed feelings about a California state assembly resolution that established the first week of March as a statewide “Cuss-Free Week.”
As newspaper employees, free speech is near and dear to us, and if you want to use some creative profanity, we’re all for it. But we’re not sure encouraging Californians to clean up their mouths is the worst idea. According to the resolution’s authors, there is a connection between foul language, drugs and bullying. So we’re half-throwing, half-handing a LAURT at the California Legislature — because we know we have an opinion; we’re just not sure what it is yet.
California isn’t the only one voting on important decisions.
Some University of Mississippi students banned together in hopes of finding the school a new mascot to replace it’s more outdated one, Colonel Reb.
And what’s the top competitor you ask? Why, it’s Admiral Ackbar, the leader of the Rebel Alliance, from “Star Wars.” And with more than 15,000 Facebook fans and a Twitter account, it looks like, come Tuesday when students vote, this bizarre charachter could be it.
That’s why we’re going to toss a be-careful-it-might-be-a-trap LAUREL to the Ole Miss Rebel Alliance.
That’s it for this week. And remember — there’s only one more week until Spring Break.
