I get it. You're in a band. What I don't understand is why you think everyone wants to know (or cares).
Ever notice how you'll meet a guy in a band, and he'll miraculously find a way to work it into every sentence?
"We should go to 1982 tonight man, and oh yeah, my band plays there," or (completely unprovoked) "we had such a good show last night, man. You missed it."
- (A). I missed it on purpose because you suck.
- (B). I didn't ask, you douche.
- (C). Am I supposed to stop what I'm doing, drop to my knees and kiss your feet?
If your band is so good why do you have to tell me about it all the time? Don't you have a life besides sitting in your room playing guitar all night hoping that it will get you laid since you're obviously too afraid to talk to girls. Let's get this straight. First, just because you play a little guitar doesn't make you some kind of expert on music. Experts go to school and get PhDs. They don't wash dishes at restaurants and daydream about going on tour someday. Second, those tight little pants, sleeve tattoos, gauged ears and carefully tussled hair can't hide the fact that your musical skills are so obviously lacking. You don't really need "looks" to make it. Your clothes are a fad and in five years you'll have droopy ears and wish you didn't spend all your money on a red fish on your arm.
Being in a band is not that original. Neither is playing a musical instrument. Everyone wants to be a rock star. The difference is most people grow up. You, on the other hand, assume that your band is the magical one that is actually going to make it out of the millions who've tried and failed. You ignore the fact that no one comes to your shows and you only get (forced) positive feedback from your friends. You think that just because you write bad poetry, put it to music and try to sing it that you are some kind of special person. The only people who take themselves as seriously as you do are in other crappy bands.
The worst part is you picture yourself as this tortured artist/genius type and assume everyone else does, too. Any guy can find some "down and out" girl who thinks that driving around in a van and drinking all day is cool, but I guarantee you that same girl got beat by her dad. Just because some old guy in the Rolling Stones did drugs all the time doesn't make it cool. He's a millionaire, and probably pays people to wipe his butt. You borrow beer money from your parents and date a girl with low self-esteem.
This indie music scene is the worst for local bands, too. Indie music is lo-fi and can be quite dissonant. Bad musicians take this as a license to be crappy. You can all wear suits on the night you play at the Atlantic but you can't hide the fact that you suck. A turd, once polished, is still a turd.
Don't get me wrong, there are a few good bands in Gainesville, and I'm not talking to you - keep doing your thing. I'm talking to the guys who think that just because they play really bad music in venues around Gainesville that they are somehow better than the rest of us. The guys that have no idea how bad they are. They think playing in a band somehow miraculously makes them a cool person that others will look up to. There may be a contingent that buys into this, but don't let that fool you.
Dear Guys in Bands: I'm sorry you didn't get enough attention growing up, and you feel that the world should be, no is, interested in your crappy music. I hate to tell you this, but singing and playing guitar as a life's vocation is shortsighted, selfish and lame, mainly because you're so bad at it, and yet continue to try. Do yourself a favor and stop taking yourself so seriously, no one else does, it must be exhausting. Also, stop mooching off your parents and get a real job.
