Welcome back to a new semester, a new decade and a new onslaught of laughs, tears and things that’ll just plain piss you off brought to you by yours truly.
We do hope you rested plenty over the break and the first week of classes wasn’t too hard on you because the lack of letters to the editor are really killing us. However, we’re going to let it slip just for today in order to bring you the your-first-week-of-school-didn’t-suck-as-much-as-our-7:30-editing-labs edition of...
Darts & Laurels
And we’re not the only ones willing to forgive and forget.
The Progress Party and the Orange and Blue Party announced Wednesday they have officially made amends and decided to get back together. Party officials said reasons behind the merger include wanting to give students more of a voice and increasing transparency in Student Government.
That’s why we’re giving a you-all-may-have-more-drama-than-a-middle-school-relationship-but-we’re-happy-to-see-you-worked-things-out LAUREL to UF’s indie parties.
But love isn’t the only thing in the air this week.
Along with the brisk winter cold comes the fear of being shocked, and we at the Alligator can’t touch our cars, desks or even one of our copy editors’ girlfriend’s forehead without fearing the wrath of static electricity. That’s why we have to throw a if-you-would-have-just-given-us-snow-the-zaps-would-be-totally-worth-it DART at mother nature.
And while we’re complaining about nature, here, the Editorial Board is flinging a couldn’t-you-have-thrown-us-a-bone-here DART at The Sunshine State (to be read as whiningly as possible, please).
Shame on you, Florida, for getting our hopes up just to snatch them cruelly away. For those of us who have to brave the tundra to get to our first-period classes as our frigid fingers threaten to break off of our mittenless hands (thanks, glove shortage), the least you could do is toss down a few flurries so we could take “OMG look at the snow!” photos for our Facebook profiles.
But we’re not the only ones complaining. According to the latest Gallup poll, Obama’s approval rating is at a meager 47 percent. Now, we understand that you expected missiles and poverty to turn into rainbows and butterflies the moment he was sworn in, but we’re putting you all in time out and pinning a now-think-about-what-you’ve-done DART at 53 percent of the American public for giving up on our president so soon.
Whether or not he turns out to be more of a pain in our asses than cheap tissues when you have a runny nose, it’s too soon to lose hope.
And because we’re such left-leaning liberal lovers, we’re delivering — on a silver platter, of course — a we-don’t-care-what’s-going-on-down-there LAUREL to President Barack Obama for making the first U.S. presidential appointment of a transgender.
The White House displayed tactful reticence in declining to comment on her gender, and the Editorial Board thinks everyone should do the same and ignore those who seem to think it’s important.
That’s all for this week, folks, and if you don’t like what we said, stop by our open house today and prove you’d be an asset to the Editorial Board (or just a write a letter... please).
