We’re not sure about you, but the Editorial Board is certainly glad to see it’s almost the weekend. We’re already annoyed, pissed off and just plain exhausted. So why don’t we skip the formalities and go right to Darts & Laurels
Because no one reads the opening anyway.
Another story a vast majority of our readers always seem to skip over usually involves everyone’s favorite boring governing body — UF’s Student Government.
During Tuesday night’s Student Senate meeting, senators unanimously passed a bill that will allow students to vote on whether they support the Reitz Union expansion fee during this spring’s election.
So, for finally working together on something instead of biting each others heads off, having 45 minute debate sessions discussing if you should debate on an issue or not, and crying about why SG just isn’t fair, we’re going to throw a see-isn’t-working-together-the-best LAUREL to SG.
She may have looked like a cactus in an evening gown on “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” but we can’t help but want to pat her on the shoulder (very carefully though) when she said she’ll pledge all her proceeds from her Sunday concert in New York to Haiti relief organizations.
On top of that, all the money she gets from merchandise purchased on her Web site Jan. 24 will go directly to a Haitian relief fund too.And that’s why we’re going to heave a rah-rah-ah-ah-ahh-good-job-jobahaha LAUREL to Lady Gaga (ohh la la).
Speaking of blonde celebrities, though Lady Gaga’s similarity to our next Dart recipient ends there, The Editorial Board would like to stick a hypodermic needle DART in Heidi Montag’s forehead — don’t worry, she can’t feel anything. Montag, who used to be a cute girl, now looks like a wax version of Joan Rivers 40 years ago.
When an interviewer challenges you to move your face and you can’t, something is wrong. Seriously, though. Who gets neck lipo? But even though she spent the GDP of Croatia on surgery and married an asshole with a flesh-colored beard, we want you to know we care.
So take this warning and stop now — before you look like Donatella Versace.
And while we’re on the subject of failure, the Editorial Board, of course, would like to launch a we-don’t-want-to-hear-anyone-in-Massachusetts-complain-about-not-being-able-to-pay-medical-bills DART at Massachusetts voters for possibly ruining the country’s chance at extensive health care reform. Shame on you, Bay State, for not considering the repercussions of handing Republicans another Senate seat on a silver platter.
One family who hasn’t been eating anything off a silver platter is John Edwards’ (second) family.
Edwards who has been denying being Frances Quinn Hunter’s dad for about two years now, finally came clean.
That’s why we’re going to chuck a we-always-thought-you-looked-like-a-baby-daddy-so-it’s-better-late-than-never LAUREL to John Edwards, who may not have any brains under that head of hair but will at least be able to afford some nice Christmas presents.
Look on the bright side — you probably won’t have to pay for her braces.
That’s it for now. Hopefully next time, we’ll be in a better mood. Until then, we’re just going to take the wise advice from someone mentioned here today: Lady Gaga.
And that of course is — just dance. It’ll be OK.
