There’s a lot at stake this week in the alligatorSports Brand Picks Column this week, as the pickers are doing their final jockeying for the crown and trying to avoid embarrassment. Only two — Bobby Callovi and Kyle Maistri — are still actually picking for glory.
Texas will COVER THE -13.5 SPREAD because … Kyle’s taking Nebraska for one reason: he has a Nebraska T-shirt. Now, this isn’t just any T-shirt. No, this one comes with memories, the happiest of Kyle’s miserable life. It hasn’t been washed in seven years, so as to keep the smell from the time he stood next to a girl for more than a minute without peeing his pants and crying. There’s a tear on the back from the time the neighborhood bullies let him off easy by just hanging him from a fence by his wedgie. So there you have it. Kyle has to pick Nebraska, because if the Huskers lose, he’ll lose all hope.
— MIKE McCALL
NEBRASKA WILL COVER THE +13.5 SPREAD BECAUSE ... Mike McCall was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and one up his butt, as it turns out.
The universe has to balance itself out at some point. McCall represents lucky Texas, which has had everything go its way this season. You and me, we’re Nebraska. The underdog. We don’t live in Ponte Vedra, belong to a world class country club and go yachting on the reg. McCall has had everything go his way his entire life, and I’m sick of it. Let’s see how he deals with a little adversity for a change. To McCall, adversity is nothing more than being unable to wear an undershirt that matches the logo on his Ralph Lauren Polo shirt because his mom forgot to do his laundry. It’s time he joined us in the real world.
—KYLE MAISTRI
Now, on to the picks!
In first with a record of 67-62 is Bobby “Don’t put that in your mouth” Callovi, who is packing his shoes full of Play-Doh out of fear he won’t meet the height requirement to ride MARTA this weekend.
Also in first and a victim of alphabetical order at 67-62 is Kyle “Tiger made the right choice” Maistri, who’d gladly ram his Crown Vic into a fire hydrant to spend a night with either of Tiger Woods’ side dishes.
In third with his head just below water at 64-65 is the Tampa Tribune’s Mike “What do you think, Christmas Pez Bear?” DiFerdinando, who placed his newest little friend on his desk in class. Not that little friend ...
Next, at 63-66 is the Gainesville Sun’s Ed “Not now chief, I’m in the zone” Aschoff, whose three-hour flex session caused him to get his picks in late.
Tied with Ed is Mike “You guys wouldn’t know a fun Thursday night if it bit you in the butt” McCall, who thinks tipping cows with his buddies from Ag. school in Tifton is worth leaving Gainesville 12 hours earlier.
In sixth at 57-72 is the Miami Herald’s Joe “The first rule of Carlos Dunlap is, you do not talk about Carlos Dunlap” Goodman, who woke up with a dead horse’s head in his sheets. That’s what you get for asking questions UF’s media relations department doesn’t want you to ask.
Next, at 56-73 is the Florida Times Union’s Mike “What does insensitive mean?” DiRocco, who once described a look of shock as, “She looked like she just walked out of the Twin Towers.”
Settling nicely into eighth at 55-74 is the Palm Beach Post’s Ben “I couldn’t outmuscle a hoard of tween girls to get close enough to touch Tebow on his last Gator Walk” Volin, who will be returning to his old stomping grounds in Atlanta this week. Too bad his old friends won’t recognize him beneath all the orange-and-blue paint and eye-black strips.
In ninth at 54-75 is the Orlando Sentinel’s Jeremy “Just give me the favorites” Fowler, who has done so poorly lately that he decided he has a better chance of not finishing last by not picking games at all.
In last with a record of 53-76 is Phil “Charlie Weis” Kegler, who plans on ducking the media after he finishes the season in last place. Grow up, Kegs.
|
BC |
KM | MDF | EA | MM | |
| Ariz (+7.5) -USC | Ariz | USC | USC | USC | Ariz |
| WVU (-1) -RU | RU | WVU | WVU | WVU | WVU |
| Cal (-7) -Wash | Cal | Cal | Wash | Cal | Cal |
| USF (+7.5) -UConn |
USF | USF | UConn | USF | UConn |
| NMSU (+47.5)-BSU |
NMSU | BSU | NMSU | NMSU | NMSU |
| Hou (-2.5) -ECU | Hou | Hou | Hou | Hou | ECU |
| Cincy (-1) -Pitt | Pitt | Cincy | Cincy | Cincy | Cincy |
| GT (-1) -Clem | GT | GT | Clem | GT | GT |
| UT (-13.5)- Neb | UT | Neb | UT | Neb | UT |
| UF (-5.5) -Bama | UF | UF | Bama | Bama | UF |
|
JG |
MDR | BV | JF | PK | |
| Ariz (+7.5) -USC | Ariz | USC | Ariz | USC |
USC |
| WVU (-1) -RU | WVU | WVU | WVU | WVU | WVU |
| Cal (-7) -Wash | Wash | Wash | Wash | Cal | Cal |
| USF (+7.5) -UConn |
UConn | UConn | UConn | UConn | USF |
| NMSU (+47.5)-BSU |
NMSU | NMSU | BSU | NMSU | NMSU |
| Hou (-2.5) -ECU | Hou | Hou | Hou | Hou | Hou |
| Cincy (-1) -Pitt | Pitt | Cincy | Pitt | Cincy | Cincy |
| GT (-1) -Clem | GT | GT | GT | GT | GT |
| UT (-13.5)- Neb | Neb | Neb | Neb | UT | UT |
| UF (-5.5) -Bama | Bama | UF | UF | UF | UF |
