In a strange twist of fate, a single city has clumsily tripped into the epicenter of the debate over animal cruelty in America. This city has taken a bold stand in favor of dog fighting on legal and social levels, voluntarily placing itself in the line of fire against existing federal law and overwhelming public opinion.
That this city is Philadelphia should surprise virtually no one who has ever had the intense pleasure of traversing the urine-soaked sidewalks of the cheez whiz capital of the world.
Most commonly called "Filthadelphia," Philly has taken steps in recent years to make the city even less hospitable to decent human life. The culmination of these moves toward cornering the market in disaster tourism is a pair of anti-dog moves the city finalized just a few weeks ago.
The Philadelphia Eagles signed quasi-reformed dog killer Michael Vick to be their third-string quarterback last month, but not until long after the 3rd District Court in Philadelphia ruled against federal guidelines banning the sale and distribution of dog-fighting videos. The U.S. Supreme Court has just agreed to hear the appeal to this ruling in its current session, placing the judgment of the Philadelphia-based 3rd District under our highest judicial review.
Those of you unfamiliar with the city of Philadelphia may wonder why a metropolis would freely associate itself so strongly with such a reprehensible pastime as pit bull fighting. Those asking such a question probably have a working knowledge of Philadelphia that centers on the Liberty Bell and people wearing powdered wigs to stuffy constitutional conventions. Philly was probably a great place to live back then, back in the time before cars and industrialization and modern medicine.
In order to live in the Philadelphia of today, one must have either an intense self-hatred or a crippling heroin addiction. Other possible reasons to live in or around Philly include being under the age of 12 or over the age of 70, having a particular affinity for human suffering and/or running a large drug dealing operation. The requirements of living in South Philly additionally include at least two severe emotional and psychological disabilities.
Fans of the Philadelphia Eagles are renowned for having booed Santa Claus in a December 1968 game and pegging him with snowballs, but the wanton destruction of childhood icons in Philly did not end with St. Nick. A little-known 1987 incident saw the Easter Bunny beaten and tossed into the lion exhibit at the Philadelphia Zoo and rumors have spread since late 2006 that the Tooth Fairy barely fought off a carjacking near Independence Hall.
The Supreme Court will soon rule one way or another on the relative social value of the images associated with dog fighting, and Michael Vick will at some point in the near future run for a touchdown on a snowy Philadelphia evening.
Each of us will have to sort out how we feel about these inevitabilities, but some things are ironclad certainties - your dog wants steak, and it hates Philadelphia with a burning passion.
Tommy Maple is a graduate student in international communications. His column appears on Thursdays.
