It's been a pretty stressful week at the Alligator. Not only do we all have exams coming up, we've also been doing the jobs of several people. It's been so rough that we might even take our three-day weekend early. On that note, we present to you a doing-homework-at-home-has-never-sounded-so-appealing edition of…
Darts & Darts
And Laurel.
First and foremost, we fire a big, fat DART to the 10-day "sore"-cast on Weather.com. At 3 p.m., it should not feel like 103 degrees. Did you not get the memo, Mamma Nature? October is here.
In fact, it's so awful hot in this sunny state of ours that a Tallahassee man has been to stripping down to his skivvies to keep cool and comfortable during his daily bicycle ride.
But not for long.
Richard Irby, 55, was ordered not to wear a thong in public any more and to stay out of trouble by a Leon County judge Monday. Irby was charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct Aug. 17 for showing too much while donning his banana hammock in a mobile home park, according to an article by The Associated Press.
However, the article fails to mention Irby's disability. Locals call him the Bikini Bicyclist, and in a video on the St. Petersburg Times Web site, it's made clear that the man isn't stripping for attention.
Irby had to learn to eat, speak and walk again after he was hit by a car in high school. He's most comfortable riding his bike in a Speedo, like your grandpa does at the beach.
Let's launch a haven't-you-ever-seen-skin-before? DART at the Leon County judge who ruled against Irby, and hit all hit-and-run drivers with a can't-you-own-up-to-your-actions? DART, preferably one dipped in salt and lemon juice.
On a serious note, we launch a don't-drop-the-soap DART to the 53-year-old former UF employee accused of sexually violating a 9-year-old girl last year. If what this girl says is true, then there's a special place in Hell for you, David Blankenship.
The "unusual" and "luxury" gift store Brookstone has come under fire after some say its new Frog-O-Sphere is not habitable for the amphibians it houses.
Don't get us wrong; we're all about pets. One of our moms even has a Shrimp-O-Sphere with a snowflake-sized crustacean named Roscoe residing on her window sill. However, Roscoe has been alive for a more than a year. These frogs are reportedly dying within weeks.
We can't understand how these Frog-O-Spheres offer a "starting point for learning about life in ecosystems," as Brookstone's Web site claims. According to PetCo's Web site, African Dwarf frogs-the kind Brookstone sells-should be kept in a 10-gallon tank at minimum.
So, for keeping its product on the market just to make a buck, we fling a poison DART frog at Brookstone.
And finally, a LAUREL to all of the bright and shining faces we'll see tomorrow from 2 to 5 p.m. during the Alligator's second open house of the semester. Remember to bring clips, resumes and at least half a brain. We know, it's Friday, and the last thing you probably want to do is look for work.
Now that you've finished reading this edition of Darts & Darts (& Laurel), bring a clipping of it today when you apply for opinions editor. This is a test.
Be sure to wear your seat belts when driving to (and from) Louisiana this weekend.Gooooo Gators!
