It/s 3 a.m., you/re piss-drunk, out of breath, rolling among sweat-stained sheets and incapable of sleep. No, you/re not in the thrusts of a one-night stand; you/re dealing with heartbreak after being served a monogamist/s worst fear: the breakup.
Face it, even in the promised land for the promiscuous, known to many as college, sometimes you become inexplicably drawn and committed to another. As graduation nears and your significant other considers staying up all night studying Anatomy 101 with that friendly classmate, someone is gonna get the boot.
This is made increasingly worse if your relationship was built on love; it/s no coincidence love is also a four-letter word. If you/re unfortunate enough to find yourself in this scenario, then you might believe your non-beating heart was just puréed in a blender. When in water this deep, there/s no quick fix and those Vicodin pills aren/t gonna help you much, either.
A lot of newly single people go on weeklong benders, complete with Lindsay Lohan-esque downward spiral. Booze and drugs will numb you. But eventually they wear off and then the memory of your ex is sure to hit you harder than a run-away RTS bus. Couple that with a study-impairing hangover and pretty soon you/re failing a freshman class like Marriage and Families.
One of the best things you can do post-breakup is evading the former apple-of-your-eye. This includes screening their calls and texts because, like Gwen Stefani, you/re just too damn busy "walking into spiderwebs."
Taking a leave of absence from Facebook won/t hurt either. Facebook has a cruel sense of humor, and Mark Zuckerberg somehow knows your dating history; so you can look forward to mini-feed posts indicating your ex is having an impressively easier time getting over the relationship. You don/t want to see that, and you deserve better.
Packing away mementos and reminders is a healthy idea. No need for a ritualistic burning of the sheets you shared, but your ex-lover/s picture sitting within eyesight of your bed can go.
It/s crucial to work out your feelings and gain closure. Over-priced therapy is unnecessary - this is what your friends are for - lucky, lucky them. But avoid drowning in self-pity and, even if you/re a borderline-masochist, stop wondering what could/ve prevented the breakup. Breakups happen for a reason and you. just. need. to. move. on.
Then comes the questionable process of rebounding. As hard as it might get, avoid hooking up with people before you/re ready.
Should you wake up next to a reasonably attractive classmate and still want to gnaw your arm off in an attempt to escape his or her bed, you/re probably not ready to be seeing other people. Occasionally the perfect stroke your ego needs will consist of your friend Cuervo, Miami/s finest "herbal remedies" or a sultry one-night-stand, just don/t go too crazy.
Mostly, take time to yourself. Pick up a sport, take on a project or focus on your upcoming exam. Treat yourself to regular gym visits (endorphins are nature/s anti-depressants), lounge by the pool and take your Visa on a field trip to Gucci.
Looking better than your ex is the world/s most just revenge, so those days at the gym and pool will pay off when inevitably finding yourself in the oh-FML pathway of your former partner. While they/ve clearly gained a belated Freshman 15 and have a stage-five clinger hanging on their arm, your toned and golden body is about to give them whiplash.
