In response to these depressing days of fiscal failure and the realization of the tenuous grip most people have on their homes and their jobs, Americans of every stripe seem to be clinging to their guns and blogs.
According to FBI data, background checks for gun purchases reached a record high in November 2008. More than 1.5 million people bought guns from a dealer the month Barack Obama was elected president, a number surely far below the actual tally once gun shows and private party sales are factored into the equation.
While background checks for gun sales have been increasing steadily since 2007, the last few months have practically been an orgy of armed fortification. January and February of 2009 have each shown background check increases by more than 20 percent over the inflated 2008 numbers.
This same thing happens every time a Democrat takes the White House. Traditionally tougher on gun regulations, a Democrat assuming the top spot in our system means that the fear of anti-gun legislation increases exponentially. The difference this time is the sustained manner of the increase - and the run on bullets.
Most gun shops and sporting-goods stores across the country report a six-month to one-year waiting list on ammunition for popular pistols and semi-automatic firearms. The kicker, though, is that everybody saw this coming; the managers and owners of these sold-out gun shops ordered thousands of extra rounds of ammo, only to be swamped by a level of demand that few thought possible.
Demand that far outstrips supply is the wet dream of capitalism, and this particular bear market seems fueled entirely by Internet speculation. Obama has not been (tele)prompted to say anything about guns thus far in his first 50 days of power, but on the Web he is one step from King George III.
Networks formerly connected by fliers and infrequent meetings are now solidly united by message boards and forwarded fear-mongering e-mails.
Given the glacial pace of our government, any gun prohibition - even a reworking of the lapsed ban on assault rifles - would take months to wind its way through the byzantine bureaucracy of our federal system. Why worry about factual evidence, though, when panic is right there in your inbox?
People hoarding certain types of guns and ammo have artificially driven up prices and created what is essentially a speculative bubble. Rumors about puting serial numbers on bullets or making ammunition that only fires for two years after it is made are only a few of the theories floating around the Web these days.
This may be the most sneaky and successful viral marketing campaign of our digital age. America already sits at the intersection of race, capitalism, firearms and fear - a little nudge is all it would take.
If not, this is "Mad Max" investing at its finest. The worst-case scenario will render even the most secure mattress savings accounts little more than a collection of worthless paper. Trading bullets for peanut butter seems like a fair exchange, even post apocalypse.
Tommy Maple is an international communications graduate student. His column appears on Tuesdays.
