When male genitalia make an unpublicized appearance on the bus ride to school, you know your morning can only "go up" from there.
Suddenly that five-essay exam in Advanced Lit. no longer seems like the bane of your existence.
On Tuesday morning, a woman riding on an RTS bus had the unfortunate luck of obliging what appeared to be one man's innocent request for a dollop of lotion.
While the Editorial Board is hardly a bunch of prudes, when we think lotion, we visualize moisturizing a pair of dry hands or soothing the razor burn from a hasty shave.
Hardly the case.
This seemingly benign offering had the same effect as a full moon on a werewolf - mild-mannered man became instant wank bandit.
What did the woman get in return? You don't wanna know.
Perhaps it's time for the Editorial Board to pass a hat around the newsroom so we can purchase the mystery masturbator a bicycle to ride around town.
Forget our nearly non-existent wages, we'd rather have the peace of mind knowing we can take the bus to class without sitting next to a wanna-be Ron Jeremy practicing for his next skin flick.
There's no need to fear him taking his dog and pony show on two wheels - hell, we'll place the call to Guinness if he manages to pull off such a stunt.
What? He masturbated while riding his new bike? And he ate a whole wheel of cheese? How'd he do that?
Heck, we're not even mad; that's amazing.
