A string of bizarre alcohol-related incidents in Gainesville gives new meaning to "turning to the bottle" during harsh times.
Sunday morning saw a botched robbery at the Sweetbay grocery store in which a local woman concocted the brilliant idea of making off with a couple of cases of Natural Light beer only to get caught after leaving her handbag behind.
Let's get real for a second - who the hell steals Natty Light?
While the Editorial Board hardly condones stealing in any shape or form, she could have at least upgraded her choice of adult beverage to a more palatable Blue Moon or Samuel Adams.
Somewhere the commissioner of the More Taste League sheds a tear.
Clearly this woman lacks any semblance of a brain for dropping her purse at the scene of the crime, but lacking taste in beer to boot?
Thankfully, our second model Gainesville citizen of the week doesn't suffer from a bitter beer face - this young man's lunacy lies in his scheme to net himself $30 with quite possibly the most effort involved.
Instead of just interning at the Alligator for the week or sleepwalking through a shift at Subway, he elected to steal keg shells from unsuspecting residents hungover from the evening before.
What did he get for all of his efforts? A spot in the Alachua County Jail with bond at $7,000 to boot.
So what's next on the absurd crime front in Gainesville? Stealing ketchup dispensers during Gators games?
There goes the neighborhood.
