I was talking with a friend the other day about how she met her boyfriend of three years. As I get older, I turn more of my attention to these stories because they have become almost as important to me as politics.
I have a flawless record of jump-starting then crashing relationships.
Recently, I have been scrutinizing my private collection of failures. I have matured enough to admit that, in retrospect, the broken part of these relationships has often been me.
As an undergrad at UF, developing and prioritizing a sex life constantly competed with the harder work of developing a relationship and prioritizing another human being.
Years later, something dawned on me when working with seniors at a bank in Boca Raton. People need someone trustworthy and reliable who adds excitement to their lives, especially after looks, health and mind are gone.
Knowing that these things are ever changing and typically in decline, I gained a sense of urgency about finding someone I could share my life with.
I bring a fervent Christian belief and an obsession with politics to the table, and I knew that building a lasting relationship would be much more difficult than finding short-term companionship. Old habits and coping mechanisms always seem to find their way back to the surface.
Complicating this even further is the culture at UF: Most students are perfectly happy playing the game of random encounters and objectifying friends in terms of their particular benefits. This is made crystal clear to anyone walking within earshot of the bars at night.
To a lonely guy frustrated with his love life, this quick and easy, though ultimately unsatisfying, solution can be very tempting.
In my case, I can say with certainty that no amount of external shuffling will give me what I want the most. It seems to me that I should focus on becoming the right person rather than stumbling on top of the right person.
I listen carefully to committed couples when they share their "success stories" with me. Being a good academic, I analyze each one and try to replicate the model. Unfortunately, this has only led me to realize that the analytical approach is one of my biggest barriers.
Like politics and religion, intimate relationships are rooted in a little bit of understanding, a lot of faith and a balance between patience and initiative.
But when is the right time for patience? When is the right time to take initiative? As evidenced by this column, I still find myself too often trying to figure it out.
I constantly have to remind myself to stop thinking so much and simply move forward without fear. I firmly believe that when I am able to do this, my true form miraculously appears and makes itself available to another person.
This is all easier said than done. In the meanwhile, I've been perusing the Gainesville Pet Rescue Web site, paying special attention to the dogs up for adoption.
It looks like Jethro could use a little love in his life also.
Michael Belle is a political science graduate student. His column appears on Wednesdays.
