First, we would like to pat ourselves on the back by giving UF a thanks-for-saving-us-money-now-and-making-us-money-later LAUREL for being ranked No. 2 on Kiplinger's list of the 100 best values in public universities.
We may not always spend that money in the wisest ways - Stubbie's has everything - but for every $53 tab we rack up, we make up for it by dropping in at our fair share of happy hours around town.
Next up, we would like to serve a tsk-tsk-tsk-we-thought-you-were-progressive DART to the state of Florida and its voters for passing Amendment 2.
We've heard the arguments for and against all forms of marriage. There's no reason legislation should have any real bearing on two people's close relationship, regardless of gender. We're not mad, Florida, just disappointed.
Moving on, we would like to hurl a not-weird-hazing-crap-again DART at Tau Epsilon Phi for, well, their weird hazing crap. We can only hope your bonds remain extra tight after your little incident.
Now it's time to toss a two-part, Harvey-Dent-style D&L combo to UF's Students Public Interest Research Groups. We know it's a mouthful, so we call them PIRGs.
We're giving them a sunshine-rainbows-and-political-activism LAUREL for registering more than 2,500 UF students to vote, and an all-we-wanted-was-perfection DART for unsuccessfully registering about a dozen students through its New Voters Project. Considering the ratio of successful registrations to unsuccessful ones, we can't be too upset. We just realize how pissed we would be if we were one of the unlucky 10 to 12.
Next on our agenda, we would like to present Sen. John McCain with a grace-is-appreciated-in-every-form LAUREL for the class he showed in a losing effort.
It takes enough courage for us to swallow our pride and admit that our favorite football team was outplayed by an Eli Manning-less Ole Miss team, and we don't even play on the team. Imagine how disappointed McCain felt as he watched his opponent's electoral votes leave his numbers in the dust. Despite his frustrations, McCain stepped up and took the loss like a hero.
On a related note, we would like to send possible one-time Gators for McCain Chairman Joshua Simmons a we-hope-you-enjoyed-the-attention DART for making such a big deal about his last-minute choice to vote for Obama. You wasted all that time campaigning and debating for McCain only to roll off into the sunset in the arms of the ObamaBot. We hope you caused the stir you wanted.
Last, but certainly not least, we would like to give a you-deserve-it-big-guy LAUREL to our next president, Barack Obama. We have faith that you can get the ball rolling toward the change you talked about during your historical campaign. Now let's see that ball gather some momentum in January. Best of luck, Mr. President.
Have a safe weekend. Go Gators.
