Everyone knows that animals can be a guy's best friend.
And we here at the alligatorSports Brand Picks Column would like you to know that we certainly agree with that statement. I mean, who doesn't like playing fetch with Fido or watching a cat lose its head over some catnip?
But, of course, there are times when animals and nature can hit a little too close to home. And that's where Steve Daphnis comes in.
Daphnis is a wildlife control professional in Fayetteville, Ark., so who better to talk to as the Gators and Razorbacks get set to duel Saturday?
If you ever hear a strange scratching or screeching noise coming from your attic, you don't have to worry that you're going crazy (though living in Arkansas probably leads one to question his own sanity often). You probably just have a wildlife infestation.
"I've seen people that have had bats and snakes in their homes," Daphnis said. "People wonder how the heck they can get in there, but they find a way. I once saw a small bat nest in a home."
Daphnis and his colleagues are often called for bigger problems such as a wolf or fox wandering into someone's back yard or for as little as a stray cat happening to wander onto a front lawn.
"We get all kinds of things," he said. "People calling about stray cats are the worst. I mean, you seriously can't deal with that for yourself?
"The big stuff like wolves and foxes wandering doesn't happen often, but it definitely gets your adrenaline going. It takes like three people, and wrapping that sucker up gets your blood flowing."
What would really get your blood flowing is taking on a razorback or alligator. There's nothing like a near-death experience at the hands of an angry boar to start your day.
"We don't deal with anything that big but it might be fun to try and catch one," Daphnis said. "We don't have any crocodile hunters around here."
The most important question of all is who would win in a fight: an alligator or a razorback?
"A razorback, definitely," Daphnis said. "Alligators have short arms and legs, but a razorback can run faster than you think and has horns on it."
Maybe coach Bobby Petrino can find some horns for his Razorbacks.
On to the picks!
In first place, with a sterling awesome record of 28-12 is Assistant Sports Editor Evan "Hey guys, we're going to be in ARKANSAS this week" Drexler, who was so excited about the previous Tennessee trip - until we hit traffic five miles into the state.
In the two-spot, with a 26-14 record, is Phil "I am so freaking spoiled that I'm getting my parents to drive me to the airport tomorrow instead of waking up at 3 a.m. like a man" Kegler, who loves adding "baby" to ends of sentences about the Tampa Bay Rays. Example: "Evan Longoria is sexy, baby!" Or: "World Series all the way, baby!" What a shmuck.
Smack dab in the middle of mediocrity, with a 24-16 mark, is Brian "When I grow up, I'm going to marry a long snapper" Steele, whose favorite interview subject has switched from the lovable Pouncey twins to James Smith. He talks to Smith more than Urban Meyer does.
Batting cleanup with a .575 winning percentage (you can do the math) is Karl "Tim Tebow is blacker than me" Hyppolite, who is looking at jobs ranging from Atlanta to Macon, Ga. Get a map, Karl.
In dead-ass last place for the fifth consecutive week (but slowly catching up!) with a piss-poor record of 22-18 is Mike "Who needs a CD player or a radio to play music when you have a chip that goes in your phone?" McCall, who doesn't seem to understand that no, we don't want to hear the "7th Floor Crew" song for the 10th time. They talk about their penises, McCall. Get over it.
| ED | KH | PK | MM | BS | SD | |
| Ore-USC | USC | USC | USC | USC | USC | USC |
| Aub-Vandy | Aub | Aub | Vandy | Aub | Aub | Vandy |
| OSU-Wisc | OSU | OSU | OSU | Wisc | OSU | OSU |
| FSU-Mia | Mia | Mia | Mia | FSU | Mia | FSU |
| Illin-Mich | Illin | Illin | Mich | Illin | Illin | Illin |
| UK-Bama | Bama | Bama | Bama | Bama | Bama | Bama |
| TAMU-OkSt | OkSt | OKSt | OkSt | OkSt | OkSt | TAMU |
| UConn-UNC | UConn | UNC | UConn | UNC | UNC | UNC |
| Mizz-Neb | Mizz | Mizz | Mizz | Mizz | Mizz | MizzU |
UF-UA ED: UF 49-7; KH: UF 44-10; PK: UF 35-13; MM: UF 42-17 ; BS: UF 41-17; SD: UA
