It's that time of year again. Anyone who has been in Gainesville for UF's Homecoming weekend knows all about the gridlock, the game and that, apparently, alligators can growl - something we didn't know until the fall of 2005.
With the annual celebration of UF's awesomeness comes packs of alumni, family and residents from around Alachua County. The parade transforms University Avenue into a congested mass of first-time Growlers and out-of-towners.
As students, the effect of Homecoming we most appreciate is the three-day weekend. Don't expect to see too many hungover undergrads intently watching the parade from the roadside because most will have gone out last night to celebrate the extended weekend.
Besides, they don't need to get entangled with the crowd watching the parade; they had to deal with enough congestion trying to weave through people to get to the Balls bathroom last night.
Let's move on to this week's double-secret probation (Homecoming) edition of …
Darts & Laurels
We're trying to be positive in light of our grand annual event, so we'll get the bad stuff out of the way first. We know we've been down this road before, but we're going to shoot a this-dude-better-be-funnier-than-Frank-Caliendo DART to Florida Blue Key for their inability to continue the high-profile booking we were accustomed to a few short years ago. They still promote themselves as having booked comic all-stars like Bill Cosby, Robin Williams and Dave Chappelle. Lately, though, they've brought Wayne Brady, Jim Gaffigan and Frank Caliendo. These guys, respectively, are known for improvising songs, talking about Hot Pockets and pretending to be NFL commentator John Madden. Superstars.
We won't say anything about the Steve Miller Band because they established their clout back in the day, but it's up to "That thing got a Hemi?" guy Jon Reep to save Blue Key's reputation.
We would also like to give the city of Gainesville a but-street-peddlers-can-be-so-charming DART for "cracking down" on the number of people allowed to sell various Gator wares along the parade route. We love to stop by the street vendors on game days because it's so convenient, and they always have some weird little trinket we've never seen before. By barring peddlers from University Avenue, the city is stripping the parade of some of its character.
Now let's move to the sunny side of Homecoming. For starters, we want to give a we-can't-wait-to-have-box-seats-and-pre-game-at-Emerson LAUREL to the UF alumni who come into town this weekend. It's always cool to see generations of previous UFers who liked this place enough to come back every year.
As a side note, if you alumni haven't already heard, UF's budget keeps getting slashed, thereby negatively affecting the overall value of a UF degree. We're not asking for any money; we're just saying that if the quality our education dips, so does the worth of previously awarded degrees (wink, wink).
Next, we would like to give the Gator Gallop participants a holy-crap-you're-dedicated LAUREL for having the will power to stay in on Thursday night and then get up to run two miles Friday morning. We don't know how you do it, but the Gallop has been going strong for 25 years, and we don't expect it to stop anytime soon.
Sadly, this week's final award goes to a beloved staple of UF, Gainesville and probably the entire college football universe. The Editorial Board would like to give a has-it-been-60-years-already? LAUREL to the man we all know (and love) as Mr. Two-Bits. George Edmundson Jr. has been leading Gator football crowds since 1949, and we are sad to see him go. There will never be a tradition in college football to rival Edmundson's individual dedication, which is something he and the rest of the UF community should be proud of.
That's all for this week. Have a safe weekend, and go Gators.
