This week, we'll start on a positive note. We would like to issue a 50-years-is-a-long-time-but-let's-keep-the-ball-rolling LAUREL to UF and George Starke Jr. for demolishing our school's color barrier a half-century ago. The feat may seem small now, but such an important breakthrough demands everyone's recognition and thanks.
Next, the Editorial Board would like to toss a might-as-well-forget-about-my-eighth-period DART to the Florida Department of Transportation for the construction on Newberry and Archer roads.
We understand the roads are jacked up, but the traffic is backed up even more than the line at Club Starbucks in Library West.
On the subject of darting, we would like to send a hey-Milton-we're-gonna-need-you-to-go-ahead-and-move-your-desk-as-close-to-the-back-wall-as-possible DART to the Gainesville City Commission for setting up a temporary location for the one-stop homeless shelter without agreeing on the final, permanent location.
As soon as the people in need of the shelter get accustomed to its temporary spot, the commission is going to move it down to Storage B and ask the homeless to help Milton from "Office Space" take care of the roach problem.
Now we've got a couple tidbits that are deserving of both a pat on the back and an angry backhand.
We'll give a he-truly-cares-about-his-students'-college-experience LAUREL to UCLA professor Paul Von Blum. He believes Advanced Placement classes cheapen the college experience.
Von Blum, sir, you've got it right. The only thing we remember from AP psychology is the video we watched about Tourette's Syndrome, but we can recite actual lines spoken by the Putnams and the Porters, courtesy of AMH2010.
On the other hand, professor, you must also accept this we-passed-the-exam-and-got-into-UF-so-why-the-hell-can't-we-take-scuba DART. We shouldn't even have to explain why.
Next up, we'd like to bestow a when-we-get-drunk-all-we-talk-about-is-whose-asses-we-can-kick-and-whose-dresses-make-them-look-skankiest LAUREL to a group who actually drinks and civilly discusses civil matters. Drinking Liberally is a club that meets at local pubs to talk politics over a few brews.
The Editorial Board is pretty sure there's a rule about alcohol and government that we've heard before.
That's right. There is a rule, and it's precisely why we're aiming a no-politics-no-business-no-religion-while-imbibing DART at Drinking Liberally.
Maybe you guys are good enough to pull it off, but sayings like these are remembered for a reason. We're counting on a day when Tommy Right-Wing crunches a pint of Guinness into Liberal McGee's right eye.
During the ensuing bar fight, we'll be sure to remind you who told you so.
That about covers it for this week, so enjoy your weekend. Go Gators!
