One of the luxuries of writing this column for some time is that I can go back and read my earlier columns and shake my head in shame.
I do this sometimes because I'm embarrassed that now-insignificant personal drama made it into my column, sometimes because neither I nor the copy editors discovered it should read 'than' not 'then' and sometimes because even within a year, my opinion on something has changed.
The latter is the case here.
I've been here at UF much longer than I ever like to admit, but as I learned how to drop classes and pass others while rarely attending lectures, I also taught myself how to have relationships that didn't mean anything.
I rationalized that my player attitude and drunken hookups were just normal adolescent experimentation.
Perhaps, however, I, along with the rest of my generation, am simply fooling myself and settling for less than I deserve. This, course, means losing in the long run at love.
Here's the thing, I was the girl who crushed a lot, who flirted endlessly, who drank too much, made too many bad decisions and justified my behavior too often as fun and meaningless.
My stories made me interesting and crazy.
"Only you, Paige," was a phrase I became accustomed to hearing, and I proudly wore the honor.
Now, however, looking back I realize that those early experiences do have consequences.
They serve as the foundations for the type of relationships you're willing to accept and therefore what you will get.
I know I'm being a flaming hypocrite.
I have, on several occasions, touted the hookup as the road to sexual emancipation.
And while it can be, the truth is that people rarey engage in the hookup with safety in mind.
We forgo condoms, participate in acts without our mental well-being considered and settle for less than we deserve.
These hookups and the careless attitude toward sexual relations that accompanies them also makes us suspicious of worthwhile mates and kills the ability to feel real intimacy, which is what makes sex so incredible to begin with.
I'm not saying that you won't slip up and partake in behavior you would never think of relaying to your parents.
I am saying that when you choose to continuously, consciously engage in meaningless sexual relations, you do so at your own expense - and choosing to consciously drink five nights a week and then unconsciously choose a bedmate counts here too.
Telling those stories, having an "I just don't care attitude" and dolling yourself up for the next fruitless tryst is not nearly as cool as you think might it actually is.
Really, it's more pathetic than anything else. It reeks of childishness and a lack of self-confidence.
The patterns you develop now and the choices you make do affect you later. As preachy as that statement seems, it's better than having to utter this other one to a potential partner: "I have herpes."
Making mistakes is a normal part of growing up of course, but listening to those who may know better are the true signs that you've reached maturation.
