I thought this would be the easiest column I'd ever have to write.
I have actually been looking forward to it since I realized that Valentine's Day fell on a Thursday this year.
Bashing the "Hallmark holiday" is one of my favorite pastimes.
However, while it would be simple for me to sit here and type out all the reasons why I despise this superficial day, I'm sure you've heard it all before.
So let's try to be positive, shall we?
Let's see … good things about Valentine's Day … I know there's got to be something.
Ah, yes. Strawberries.
I love them. You love them, right?
They're red. They're sort of heart-shaped.
They go nicely with wine and chocolate.
Aphrodisiac? Maybe.
Publix shelf-clearing tactic? Definitely.
Don't you love how the fruit, which is usually sitting in plastic containers next to its buddies, the blueberries and raspberries, is now moved to the front of the store?
I guess the grocers don't want you to forget to buy some sensual produce before you put the moves on your date tonight.
Because, of course, kiwi is much too exotic - and a banana would just be way too obvious.
Which brings me to my next observation, lubricant.
Come on, I can't help it.
Please tell me you have been watching TV enough over the past two weeks to witness the endless KY commercials with the couple who fornicates for a good 24 hours.
I really doubt that the self-warming oil has any such benefits.
And what about the body lotion companies trying to compete, such as Nivea's "Touch and Be Touched" campaign?
Any lotion called "Smooth Sensation" has got to be flying off the shelves today.
They've probably got it out next to the strawberries.
Another thing I love about this glorious day is how people think it's suddenly appropriate to pair red with pink in their outfits.
If it doesn't look good during the other 364 days out of the year, I've got news for you - it doesn't look good today. But hey, if you can pull it off, then kudos to you. I must not have the right complexion.
And how could I forget my other personal favorite on this day - candy.
I really think we need another excuse - besides Christmas, Halloween, Easter, birthdays, Tuesdays and Flag Day-to rot our teeth out of our mouths.
It's just a little box of every kind of chocolate imaginable, no big deal.
You know you will bite into one, see the coconut or orange-looking substance and put that sucker right back in its spot.
Hey, dark chocolate has antioxidants. See, there's something for everyone.
I'm really not that cynical, and I don't blame the card companies for forcing this holiday upon us.
I'll admit that I enjoy a nice, sappy greeting card written by someone other than the person who signs "love" at the bottom.
And yes, I probably will get flowers delivered - from my mom.
See, there are a ton of positive things to look forward to today. But maybe you should wait until tomorrow before you ask me what they are.
Rebecca Ganzak is a journalism senior. Her column appears on Thursdays.
