Lately, I've been thinking: do sex and romance ever co-exist?
Let me clarify here. Yes, romance should theoretically happen prior to sex (though I can certainly vouch it doesn't always), and yeah, sex is a natural expression of that romance and love (though it's not always), but let's face it - sex isn't romantic.
Sure you can kiss erotically beforehand and cuddle afterward, but sex is messy, aggressive and often gross.
I've been fooled by Hollywood magic myself. I've tried lighting candles, giving massages, taking baths, but when it comes to getting it on, it gets dirty.
Think about it for a second. Is there anything even remotely loving and tender about exchanging bodily fluids?
My friend Sarah swears that once she starts dating a guy, the sex goes downhill.
"Suddenly they try to be all sweet, like now that we're seeing each other they shouldn't be rough," Sarah confessed. "That would never happen with a one night stand. They wouldn't care if they yanked at your hair or threw you around a little. And I wouldn't mind it either."
It seems to me that there is a fundamental incompatibility between the hot and heavy with the hearts and Hallmark.
But maybe it doesn't have to be that way. Perhaps we just need to stop thinking of the two as subsisting in separate spheres. Maybe like the extra calories and letdown expectations, we need to blame the Valentine's Day hoopla.
We think we're supposed to be turned on by that box of chocolates, when the only things we really get out of it are extra pounds around our midsection.
We need to realize that there is a time and place for both sex and romance, and while they are both equally important to a successful relationship, they are two separate beasts. You don't need both at the same time. In fact, I'd prefer if they stayed separated. Saying "I love you" in bed only works with mood music, perfect lighting and abs like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.
So only on the big screen, basically.
I'm sure plenty will contend that romance creates intimacy, and intimacy is an integral component of sex, but given the choice between some intensely hot, sweaty lovin' and sweet kisses and petting, I'd rather have the former. And I doubt I'm alone.
