Although the Butler Plaza Barnes & Noble tried to take the guesswork out of securing appropriate lovey-dovey literature by amassing the "best" of its collection on one table, the final selections were pretty far off - or right on target, depending on your sense of humor.
Here are the best of the worst Valentine's Day books endorsed by B&N booksellers.
"How Not to Date" by Judy McGuire
This book was funnier back in 2003 when it was a movie called "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days."
Since McGuire's guide doesn't come with a shirtless Matthew McConaughey, chances are no girl will be interested in reading it.
"Love Crystals: Energize Your Love Life with the Power of Crystals" by Judy Hall
Because we all know it isn't love without mystical props.
"Sexuations Book & Gift Set: 1,000 Games for the Sexually Adventurous"
Not just a book, but certainly not a gift idea one would expect to find in a store with a children's department.
"The Complete Idiot's Guide to Sextrology" by Megan Skinner
The "fine art of true romance through astrology"?
Maybe Skinner should invest in "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Creating a Pseudoscience and then Calling People Idiots for Not Knowing It."
"Naughty Cakes: Step-by-Step Recipes for 19 Fabulous, Fun Cakes" by Debbie Brown
"Ace of Cakes" Duff Goldman has met his match in cake cookbook author Brown.
I can't think of anything that screams romance more than a cake topped with edible strippers wearing sugar paste boobie tassels.
"Heart Stones" by Josie Iselin
A picture book of rocks shaped like hearts. Geologists the world over are swooning.
"Something Blue: Jenna Jameson's Jenna Tales" by Jenna Jameson
Let's all take a moment to stop and say "Jenna Tales" aloud.
Let's then take a moment to recognize that Jenna Jameson is a New York Times best-selling author.
Happy Valentine's Day, indeed.
