I hate a lot of things, but I really hate Christmas. Instead of studying for finals and figuring out what I'm going to do after graduation, I'm thinking about what the hell I'm going to buy people for the holidays.
This time of year, there are two kinds of people I hate more than any other time of the year: people who have everything and people who don't like anything.
For the people who have everything, I usually get a gift card from a store I've heard them talk about, or I try to match the clothes they wear to a store. I've never been very good at matching games, though.
And I can usually tell they don't actually shop at that particular store when I see the fake smiles on their faces after opening their cards.
For the people who don't like anything, I usually give scented candles or a dark-green collared shirt, depending on the sex. I figure most women would enjoy a scented candle. If I'm in the mood, I'll even get Christmas-y and buy the ones that smell like evergreen.
And for the men, I figure a dark-green collared shirt would match almost everything. It's earthy and fashionable.
But all those gift cards, candles and shirts add up. I have other things to spend money on that are more important than Christmas gifts, like rent and pet costumes.
However, when this time of year comes around, I don't want to be stingy. So I end up taking some of the money I got for Christmas and buying other peoples' gifts with it. What a waste.
After buying all those gifts I know people will love, I think I deserve to get something I like - but sometimes that doesn't work out either.
Generic Christmas cards that originally came in a box of 50 - probably from Hallmark - are not gifts.
They are just placeholders for money or gift cards, or they're a gift substitute. Either way, they're useless. Nobody wants cards with portraits of Saint Nick on the front and Bible verses inside that would probably be appropriate for any occasion - even Independence Day or Halloween.
I know some people who buy boxes of cards so during Christmas they have extra ones just in case more people visit than they expected.
Let's avoid all of this: the generic presents, the re-gifting, the pointless Christmas cards. We need a better system.
First, we need to get rid of Christmas cards. Like I said before, they're useless - unless they have cash in them.
When I get a Christmas card and open it, if there isn't money in it, I just stare at it for about 10 seconds. Then I put my hand to my chest and say, "Oh, [name], you're so sweet."
After Christmas cards are wiped out, we must force people to sign up for Christmas registries, like the ones people set up when they get married. People just make lists of reasonably priced items at stores they like.
It's that simple. Then we force people to use those registries.
Think about it: You would always get what you want, and you would never have to worry about not knowing what to get someone.
You wouldn't have to worry about getting two of the same thing, and you wouldn't have to wait in the post-Christmas return lines.
Or if you're like me and you don't have the patience to wait in line, you'd be spared from letting your unwanted gifts sit in your closet for longer than a year - only pitching them after the guilt of not wanting them fades.
Christmas shouldn't be like this.
These days, Christmas is really about survival - trying to balance everything else in your life along with buying gifts for 20 people and still managing to get the gifts wrapped and under the Christmas tree on time.
This time of year, after we take our last final exams, we shouldn't have to worry about gifts. We should be relaxing around a fire, finalizing our Christmas registries.
Adam Berry is a senior majoring in journalism. He is the managing editor of the Alligator.
