Alligator

Never take good porn for granted.

Despite the fact that we attend a university with nearly 50,000 students, Gainesville is not a metropolitan haven that you can have anonymous sex with a stranger who you'll never see again. Rather, I'd argue that you might have difficulty swinging a weight at Southwest Recreation Center without knocking over two people you've previously "exercised" with. The solution? Pack, make for the border (of another state) and indulge in a weekend vacation.

A good friend of mine was recently in need of a "sexy librarian" outfit for a costume party and requested my expertise in locating the appropriately slut-tastic attire. After some shopping, I ensured that my friend was sexed up in a button-down blouse, tight-fitting pencil skirt, yellow Calvin Klein glasses, six-inch black heels and a neon blue corset. Weeks later I discovered that her supposed costume party was actually a party for two to indulge the fantasies of her nerdy boyfriend.

Freshman year. You are en route to the fourth floor of your dorm and notice an attractive neighbor. Any homesickness unexpectedly fades. You realize that your roommate has been MIA for the past few hours and your twin-sized bed is in dire need of christening.