We see you’ve made it through your near booklet of a sample ballot, filling in the bubbles for the best candidates (in black ink because apparently blue is just not acceptable) as we work our way through the endorsements of major political candidates. But you still have local races, judges to not reappoint (read: Charles T. Canady) and lots of amendments to bravely work your way through. Luckily, we’re not going to abandon you in the wake of a mind-numbing panic of legalese. Stay with us as we present you with your very own and possibly very first This-Looks-A-Lot-Like-Darts-&-Laurels-But-It’s-Really-Not edition of Amendment Showdown.
We don’t have much time here, so let’s get down to business.
Don’t be fooled by Amendment 1’s brevity. It’s the most confusing, mind-spinning ballot bubble option you’ll have this year unless you’re a Democratic-leaning fetus. If passed, Amendment 1 would end government funding of certain statewide political campaigns voters passed in 1998. And as Florida finds itself in deeper economic trouble than Bernie Madoff with no change to spare, we want you to vote “Yes” on 1.
But as we say that, we’d like to follow it up with our hopes that citizens of Florida can gather enough petitions to start a new amendment proposal to place a cap on political spending in Florida. This way, everyone can have a fair shot and see through the sludge particular millionaire mudslingers (read: Rick Scott) can afford to throw.
This year, Amendment 2 is not about putting heterosexual families first, as Floridians worked out that mess two years ago. Instead, Amendment 2 is proposing to give deployed military members who own property an additional tax break. As we said with Amendment 1, Florida just can’t afford to lose any more Benjamins here. We realize soldiers do an invaluable service in wars that many Americans are against, but the buck stops here. Vote “No” on 2.
Now this is where it gets confusing. Amendments 3 and 7 were taken off the ballot by the Florida Supreme Court, but no one updated the numbers on the amendments. Don’t worry. Your ballot is fine.
Amendment 4 this year is the whole enchilada of media attention. If passed, this mother of all ballot initiatives would give voters additional power to veto any changes in comprehensive use plans. Don’t like the industrialized look of Clearwater Beach now? Hate the loss of trees in West Palm Beach? If passed, you’d have a voice to stop that kind of overdevelopment. The major opponents of this amendment? Realtors and builders, obviously. Take back what’s yours. Vote “Yes” on 4.
If passed, Amendments 5 and 6, affectionately referred to as the “Fair District Amendments,” would put an end to that timeless political process known as gerrymandering. The legal- but-frowned-upon-by-the-political-party-not-in-power-and-thus-not-engaging-in-it process involves drawing legislative and congressional districts to favor one political party over another.
These are common sense amendments, Gators. Vote “Yes” on Amendments 5 and 6.
Remember what we said? No Amendment 7. Again, your ballot is fine. Keep working with us.
Remember when a majority of voters approved smaller class sizes in 2002 and Florida never really enforced it? Amendment 8 is designed to “relax” that ruling. Stick it to ‘em, Gators. Show Florida we want the same smaller classes our parents voted on eight years ago. Vote “No” on Amendment 8.
But thanks to an amendment we also passed in 2006, ironically with less than 60 percent of the vote, any amendment needs at least 60 percent to pass. Good luck, Amendment 4 proponents.
